Yeah, so. Right. It's been an interesting evening. Sarah described my actions this evening as passionate, though I think by my last conversation with Joe it was full on rage. Yes, I'll go ahead and admit that. But Sarah doesn't yet know about the last part. Le sigh....
I don't even know where to start except for to blurt it all out: with money and spending, I'm the dude in the relationship. I have my Dave Ramsey book that I've been reading. I've set up a debt plan and have been paying our shit off and adding to an emergency savings. Yes. So far, I've gotten the emergency savings squared away and managed to get Joe's credit card paid off also. His student loans are almost paid off too. I've talked to Joe about money and what I read and what we might plan for, and I've made sure he's in agreement with whatever we plan. I want to have healthy communication regarding money, as it is I used to watch David and Stephanie fight about it quite a bit. Hell, when Mom took us shopping for new school clothes, she used to instruct us not to tell Dad and hide the clothes when we got home. She would spend, and he would flip shit about anything. Probably not the most healthy thing to do, but I learned from it and am doing better myself. I mean - we're getting shit paid off, and it feels much better than opting to just live with debt. Feels awesome, actually.
But to tie in my title with the subject of money, it's how I buy things for myself versus buying them for Joe. When I buy something for myself, it's very calculated. I wait and wait and wait. I guess there's some measure of maturity in being able to delay gratification, but at times it may even be a bit ridiculous. I have to find the best deal, and if it's not at the price I want it, then I wait until it is. Yes. But but since Joe's my special guy, when I buy things for him, I splurge. I don't find the best deal, and instead am more spontaneous and just go for it. Today, as I sorted through a box of Joe's, I found these prints he'd gotten in France. He hadn't packed them well, and they were starting to get a bit banged up. I know all of his French stuff is important to him, so I took the two prints to the Frame Shop to see what I could do. I couldn't afford to do both at a time, but I did opt to do the more expensive of the two. The matting was perfect, and the frame was really beautiful too. For between $200 and $300 it ought to be, right? I also wanted it to be a nice surprise for Joe.
Well. After a series of slightly dickish moves on Joe's part this evening, we were having our last talk of the day and getting everything straightened out that had happened previously (aforementioned 'dickish' moves). During this final chat, he informed me that not only will they (two Army buddies and himself) be staying in a hotel tonight, but tomorrow night as well. Okay. Fine. Whatever. THEN. Then, I discover that he's put more money back on his credit card - $20 of which is a late fee because a payment was due 8/07 and didn't get paid. OH MY GOD. I wanted to kill him. And I told him so, along with several other things amidst sobs. One, I worked so fucking hard to get everything paid off, and two, the money for my surprise for Joe should have actually been put toward paying off his credit card...again.
So yeah. He buys for himself. And I buy for him. What a lucky guy.
7 comments:
and unfortunately, you probably won't ever be able to change him with that. there's only so much you can say, "why don't you want to do nice things for me like i do for you?" because all it'll do is make him feel guilty. it won't ingrain these feelings into him. it's like when your hubby goes into the kitchen to pour himself a cup of water, but never asks you if you'd like something while he's in there. no matter how many times you say, "why don't you offer?" you can't ingrain what we consider to be common courtesies to someone who's used to just taking care of his needs right at that second. he's not thinking, "i should satisfy my thirst, and i wonder if my wife is thirsty too?" instead he's thinking, "water. now."
and it'll never change. just take away the credit card, make him your trophy husband and give him an allowance ;). works for hugh hefner!
Oh Katie....Poor Katie.... Men! Gaaahhhh!!!
Paul & I had the opposite problem when we were first married. He WOULDN'T spend money! It's not like I wanted to live in debt but we sometimes would have a big discussion regarding ordering pizza for dinner. Le sigh indeed!
But you & Joe are still talking about finances...always a good thing! ;) And you're the best wife EVER!
That's when you tell Joe that you framed his print and it looks amazing...so amazing that it will bring in enough money to take care of his credit card bill after you sell it. Then put a cigarette out on your tongue and say something intimidating and I'm sure he'll fall in line.
Yeah. I think I achieved the guilt thing, as it was by the end of last night's conversation, Joe was saying he didn't deserve me. Then all the times I'm angry without cause flashed in mind, and I informed him that he does indeed deserve me. :-) I probably should sell the damn print. Or hide it. Then one day when I have a 'Katie' room, it will magically reappear and be hanging on the wall. And that's when I'll put the cigarette out on my tongue.
PS. I like the allowance idea very much too. Just start calling me Hugh.
Wow, I know these feelings. It blows and it makes you resent him staying out at hotels while you are at your parents' house, why shouldn't you go out and do something like that, right? Well I know that the crying and yelling being upset certainly rattled him, if he still is the same guy as before. So, give it some time, you will be rewarded for your organization and planning. Or just take away the credit card :) Love you Kate and feel free to call me, if you feel so inclined
It sounds like you are married, but is Joe?
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