I know I should be using my powers for good and not evil. I mean I long for the days of writing about living with D Shizzle and making fun of my family (kidding). But now this is all sad and serious...real life marriage bullshit. My god.
So we're back on the roller coaster ride. That break-through was apparently an emotional mirage, as we're in the shit again today. I can't explain it other than continuing to refer to Joe as a shell of a person. He's simply not all himself. Not that he's brain dead, it's more of a lack of emotions toward things. Lack of initiative. Lack of...anything other than wanting to come home, crack open a beer and zone out. And that's cool. But I'm being zoned out too - daily, which ain't good. We've been going in circles, as I'm all what's wrong and he's all I've told you everything and I'm all well there's something out of whack and he's all...(FINALLY)...uh, some guys said it took them two months to be emotionally back to how they were before [Ranger School]. WHAT?! I have to deal with this human shell bullshit for two fucking months on top of the time he was physically gone. Seriously? And in that time, we're supposed to take leave and have fun before he goes to Warrior Leadership Course for three weeks. Well, I think I'm just going to have to take another hit because I'm going nuts. I want to fly Joe to one of his friends or brothers. Being zombie-ish during "man" time is probably perfect - all they'll do is play video games, eat, and drink. If it means he comes home more himself, I'm willing to sacrifice some more time. Already, I literally feel like I'm losing my mind wondering who the hell this person is and where the Joe I know has gone to.
With all this, I'm realizing that I want to go and be with my friends and do things that make ME happy. Susan is coming to visit in September, and now that it's finalized, I'm getting more and more excited about it. When I told Joe, he was freaking out that he'd be in training while she's here, which I thought was actually pretty flipping perfect. We can chill, drink wine, and maybe finally watch Season 3 of Veronica Mars. We tore up S1 and S2 back in summer 2008. That was amazing. Also, I think I'm going to fly up to Chicago this fall and chill with the Croat and her family. She and her husband just had a daughter, and I gotta get up there and check it out. Other than maybe my biological sister Ari, there is no one that I share the same values, beliefs and general way of thinking with more than the Croat. She gets me, and I get her. And now I want to see her getting it as a mama. I'm pretty fucking pumped. It's nice to have these things to look forward to. Especially since I'll have an open ass schedule in which to do them. Katie Lady o' Leisure, here I come!
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Monday, July 26, 2010
Nose Whistle
Poor Joe, he's got on his breath right strip, and though actually breathing through his nose, the whistle is so bad that I still woke his ass up and told him to blow his nose. Yeah. Poor, poor Joe.
As I type this I am in mild pain. Joe and I dead armed each other today, and while his pain quickly went away, I have a small goose egg forming on my forearm, which still hurts. Joe says that if I was a video game character, my fighting power would be an 8, but my defense shield would be a 1. Well, what the hell. I can't help having small forearms. He was pretty much going to either hit muscle or bone. Dang it.
Other than the dead arming, today was pretty good. I had no patients at work, and the other social worker wasn't there, so I had the office to myself. I did leave early to accompany Joe to the hematologist, which is actually at an oncology clinic. I'd never been there before, and the first thing I saw when I walked up after parking was an old lady dropping her sickly old husband off at the front door. Jebus. That pretty much summarized the majority of the clientele, which was sad. While there, Joe and I vowed to care for each other when we're old. I'm sure we meant it when we said it at our wedding, but we know a little more about it now. So anyway. Basically a test that I think is called the anti-nuclear antibody test came back positive. It's somewhere written down in my purse. Somehow it started to come back negative but then turned positive? The doctor was less than helpful with explaining stuff, but the gist of it has something to do with possible auto-immune issues, which apparently caused a brief internal freak out in Joe regarding AIDS. After seeing the doctor and hearing how he answers questions, I am seriously doubting his ability to provide quality care, which scares me, though we're pretty sure Joe doesn't have AIDS. Maybe lupus, but not AIDS. We'll see what happens, and maybe I'll have to play pit bull in the corner to this doc. Joe gave a bunch of blood for re-tests today, so we'll go back in two weeks for results.
After that, I checked back in with work. Still no new patients, so I opted not to go back. Yeah, not sure if I really have that power, but fuck it. Joe and I went to the Golden Doughnut, a local favorite and bought a dozen to take home. Woot. I think I had three before I passed out. Oops. It's so hot here that there is really nothing else to do. I mean when it's 102 degrees outside, count me out. Finally, at around 7 something I started prepping dinner. Oops again. We ate close to nine, but it was good - kabobs with pork loin, mango, red bell pepper, baby bella mushrooms, pineapple, and purple onion (marinated of course) over brown rice with cilantro and lime in it. Pretty good.
And now here we are in bed. He's passed out, and I'm laying here typing on the computer with my gimp arm. May tomorrow be as good as today!
As I type this I am in mild pain. Joe and I dead armed each other today, and while his pain quickly went away, I have a small goose egg forming on my forearm, which still hurts. Joe says that if I was a video game character, my fighting power would be an 8, but my defense shield would be a 1. Well, what the hell. I can't help having small forearms. He was pretty much going to either hit muscle or bone. Dang it.
Other than the dead arming, today was pretty good. I had no patients at work, and the other social worker wasn't there, so I had the office to myself. I did leave early to accompany Joe to the hematologist, which is actually at an oncology clinic. I'd never been there before, and the first thing I saw when I walked up after parking was an old lady dropping her sickly old husband off at the front door. Jebus. That pretty much summarized the majority of the clientele, which was sad. While there, Joe and I vowed to care for each other when we're old. I'm sure we meant it when we said it at our wedding, but we know a little more about it now. So anyway. Basically a test that I think is called the anti-nuclear antibody test came back positive. It's somewhere written down in my purse. Somehow it started to come back negative but then turned positive? The doctor was less than helpful with explaining stuff, but the gist of it has something to do with possible auto-immune issues, which apparently caused a brief internal freak out in Joe regarding AIDS. After seeing the doctor and hearing how he answers questions, I am seriously doubting his ability to provide quality care, which scares me, though we're pretty sure Joe doesn't have AIDS. Maybe lupus, but not AIDS. We'll see what happens, and maybe I'll have to play pit bull in the corner to this doc. Joe gave a bunch of blood for re-tests today, so we'll go back in two weeks for results.
After that, I checked back in with work. Still no new patients, so I opted not to go back. Yeah, not sure if I really have that power, but fuck it. Joe and I went to the Golden Doughnut, a local favorite and bought a dozen to take home. Woot. I think I had three before I passed out. Oops. It's so hot here that there is really nothing else to do. I mean when it's 102 degrees outside, count me out. Finally, at around 7 something I started prepping dinner. Oops again. We ate close to nine, but it was good - kabobs with pork loin, mango, red bell pepper, baby bella mushrooms, pineapple, and purple onion (marinated of course) over brown rice with cilantro and lime in it. Pretty good.
And now here we are in bed. He's passed out, and I'm laying here typing on the computer with my gimp arm. May tomorrow be as good as today!
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Working out the Kinks
As I was driving to work today, all I could think of was that I must hold on for dear life until this passes. Yes, I have never wanted to kill Joe more than I have in this past week, his first week home, and I'm fairly certain that I'm not even knocked up. Instead, my homicidal ideation seems to stem from the Army returning a husband shell to me instead of the real deal. It's like he's Joe but not. Tired all the time, can't think, can't remember shit, and hasn't exactly been putting much effort toward making the ol' wife feel like she's worth a damn. (And if you're all 'but Katie, he's a damn man.' Well, let me say this about that: I'll take your standard damn man and raise you a thousand because this is off the chain for Joe.) Today, though, we finally had a break through, and I feel like he's becoming more of himself again. He admitted that he has struggled to feel right as well...he just didn't bother to have a meaningful dialog about it until today. But he's a man, so I'll let him have that one.
Of course the break through did not occur until I was already at work dealing with the stupidity there. I'm so sick of being threatened with suicide. If you really want to die, we would not be talking about it together in my office because you'd be dead. And I tell them that. Blah. The major blow today came from staff. No one can piss me off like staff. Yesterday's doctor (each weekend day has a different "officer of the day") admitted someone who was medically inappropriate. The patient had been screened by the weekday screener who knows her shit and SCREENS FOR INAPPROPRIATE ADMISSIONS EVERY DAMN DAY OF THE WEEK. Yeah, that person didn't admit the patient because she had low potassium due to binging and purging. While a psych hospital, we are a state one and are not medically capable of caring that sort of thing, nor do we have eating disorder programs. You have to strap on some insurance for that kind of care and go elsewhere. Anyway. So as the ERs often do, they decided to slip the patient in on a weekend when the regular screener wasn't there, and they succeeded. (The ERs love to dump patients on us that they don't know what to do with.) Prior to finally accepting her, the doctor was CONSULTING with EVERYONE about whether or not he patient should be accepted. She was asking ME about potassium levels and other lab work. I just looked at her, and reminded her that I was a social worker and that I had no idea. I heard today that she had also consulted a nurse and a health service tech amongst others. However, what we all told her was to read the physician progress note from the weekday screener where it clearly outlines why the patient should not be admitted and that based on that, the patient should STILL not be admitted. What does she do? She admits the fucking patient. Blind with rage, I almost called her at home to ask her where the hell she got her MD and if I could get a license printed out too. Idiot.
So that was the majority of my day. After things chilled out at work, Joe and I talked on the phone and got things between us straightened out. Sometimes face to face is just too much, and you can be more organized over the phone. I know we've utilized the phone in such a way a time or two prior. For the first time in a week, it was good to come home today. People say marriage is full of ups and downs, and while we have our down times and especially when it's being down apart in feelings instead of in sync, I guess the best you can do is wait it out and know it will get better. But good glory does it SUCK.
Of course the break through did not occur until I was already at work dealing with the stupidity there. I'm so sick of being threatened with suicide. If you really want to die, we would not be talking about it together in my office because you'd be dead. And I tell them that. Blah. The major blow today came from staff. No one can piss me off like staff. Yesterday's doctor (each weekend day has a different "officer of the day") admitted someone who was medically inappropriate. The patient had been screened by the weekday screener who knows her shit and SCREENS FOR INAPPROPRIATE ADMISSIONS EVERY DAMN DAY OF THE WEEK. Yeah, that person didn't admit the patient because she had low potassium due to binging and purging. While a psych hospital, we are a state one and are not medically capable of caring that sort of thing, nor do we have eating disorder programs. You have to strap on some insurance for that kind of care and go elsewhere. Anyway. So as the ERs often do, they decided to slip the patient in on a weekend when the regular screener wasn't there, and they succeeded. (The ERs love to dump patients on us that they don't know what to do with.) Prior to finally accepting her, the doctor was CONSULTING with EVERYONE about whether or not he patient should be accepted. She was asking ME about potassium levels and other lab work. I just looked at her, and reminded her that I was a social worker and that I had no idea. I heard today that she had also consulted a nurse and a health service tech amongst others. However, what we all told her was to read the physician progress note from the weekday screener where it clearly outlines why the patient should not be admitted and that based on that, the patient should STILL not be admitted. What does she do? She admits the fucking patient. Blind with rage, I almost called her at home to ask her where the hell she got her MD and if I could get a license printed out too. Idiot.
So that was the majority of my day. After things chilled out at work, Joe and I talked on the phone and got things between us straightened out. Sometimes face to face is just too much, and you can be more organized over the phone. I know we've utilized the phone in such a way a time or two prior. For the first time in a week, it was good to come home today. People say marriage is full of ups and downs, and while we have our down times and especially when it's being down apart in feelings instead of in sync, I guess the best you can do is wait it out and know it will get better. But good glory does it SUCK.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
STFU
Dude, I totally had to take a minute to cool off before proceeding to write anymore. A ton of stuff has been going on, and I guess now we're steadying off into "our" routine again:
Joe graduated from Ranger School last Friday, and since the day prior to yesterday we had a steady stream of friends and family in town. It was really good to see everyone - Dad, Alex, Ashley, Janiece, Jeff, Sarah, Mama Lowrey, and of course it's been good having Joe back. I was a super proud wife at graduation, and was one of the first ones down and out of the stands for the "tabbing." Heck yeah. What he has accomplished is amazing. Some 300+ started the class, and less than half made it to graduation. Joe barely did, as he was almost a heat casualty in Florida. After five hours of cooling down one day, his body temp was still at 102.4. He apparently struggled to adjust his body temp for several days, despite consistent hydration, and on the final day made it through by the grace of a couple lightning storms. Each time he started feeling particularly shitty that day, a lightning storm caused them to shut down operations until he felt better. I guess prayer does work. So all that on top of no sleep and no eating from the two prior phases. In Mountains he sometimes only slept for 15 minutes a night. For food, they would have breakfast at 3AM and then dinner at 6AM and nothing all day. So then all THAT as well on top of the fact that he had to be a leader in those conditions and get those who were starving and exhausted to do what he said and do it right. And he did it. As Fatboy Slim has sung, "I want to celebrate you baby; I want to praise you like I should."
Now it's just us again. Back to work and trying to find our newest routine. It's so strange, and in many ways it's hard to get re-acclimated (as usual). I had these plans - pay off student loans, quit job, etc, and save, save, save. Joe was totally agreeable to me quitting my job and sort of happy about my student loans getting paid off. (Yeah, they're done now - how anti-climactic.) But to hell with savings, he was ready to spend. New video games and new phones. Sigh. It has all completely over-shadowed my loan pay-off, but whatever I suppose. I'm realizing that we may not be able to buckle back down and live off only Joe, which sort of blows. Either way, I won't continue to work where I do presently.
I'll bet you're thinking "Wow, Katie, your husband is back, yet this is still a 'slit your wrists' kind of post. WTF?" And you'd be kind of right. The downside to all of this is at the end of the day, he has a Ranger Tab to show for his hard work, along with the other pins and patches on his uniform, and I still have nothing. Actually, that's not true. At his graduation, whilst in the restroom, I was hiking my undies back up only to realize a stinging pain right at the top of my butt crack. Yes, something bit me; I don't know where it came from but suspect the outdoor bleachers I'd been sitting on for a couple hours. It itched horribly for a few days. Now it is still somewhat itchy, purple, and the size of a quarter. So literally, for my efforts, I got nothing more than a bite in the ass. I'm still just me, the wife. And ironically, the only thing that I have my name to that doesn't in any way have something to do with Joe (hell, even my ass bite was at HIS graduation) is my shitty job that I'm about to quit. HA.
Joe graduated from Ranger School last Friday, and since the day prior to yesterday we had a steady stream of friends and family in town. It was really good to see everyone - Dad, Alex, Ashley, Janiece, Jeff, Sarah, Mama Lowrey, and of course it's been good having Joe back. I was a super proud wife at graduation, and was one of the first ones down and out of the stands for the "tabbing." Heck yeah. What he has accomplished is amazing. Some 300+ started the class, and less than half made it to graduation. Joe barely did, as he was almost a heat casualty in Florida. After five hours of cooling down one day, his body temp was still at 102.4. He apparently struggled to adjust his body temp for several days, despite consistent hydration, and on the final day made it through by the grace of a couple lightning storms. Each time he started feeling particularly shitty that day, a lightning storm caused them to shut down operations until he felt better. I guess prayer does work. So all that on top of no sleep and no eating from the two prior phases. In Mountains he sometimes only slept for 15 minutes a night. For food, they would have breakfast at 3AM and then dinner at 6AM and nothing all day. So then all THAT as well on top of the fact that he had to be a leader in those conditions and get those who were starving and exhausted to do what he said and do it right. And he did it. As Fatboy Slim has sung, "I want to celebrate you baby; I want to praise you like I should."
Now it's just us again. Back to work and trying to find our newest routine. It's so strange, and in many ways it's hard to get re-acclimated (as usual). I had these plans - pay off student loans, quit job, etc, and save, save, save. Joe was totally agreeable to me quitting my job and sort of happy about my student loans getting paid off. (Yeah, they're done now - how anti-climactic.) But to hell with savings, he was ready to spend. New video games and new phones. Sigh. It has all completely over-shadowed my loan pay-off, but whatever I suppose. I'm realizing that we may not be able to buckle back down and live off only Joe, which sort of blows. Either way, I won't continue to work where I do presently.
I'll bet you're thinking "Wow, Katie, your husband is back, yet this is still a 'slit your wrists' kind of post. WTF?" And you'd be kind of right. The downside to all of this is at the end of the day, he has a Ranger Tab to show for his hard work, along with the other pins and patches on his uniform, and I still have nothing. Actually, that's not true. At his graduation, whilst in the restroom, I was hiking my undies back up only to realize a stinging pain right at the top of my butt crack. Yes, something bit me; I don't know where it came from but suspect the outdoor bleachers I'd been sitting on for a couple hours. It itched horribly for a few days. Now it is still somewhat itchy, purple, and the size of a quarter. So literally, for my efforts, I got nothing more than a bite in the ass. I'm still just me, the wife. And ironically, the only thing that I have my name to that doesn't in any way have something to do with Joe (hell, even my ass bite was at HIS graduation) is my shitty job that I'm about to quit. HA.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Where Were You When Your Husband Passed Ranger School?
Or rather, when you found out that he passed. I for one was taking a pee while simultaneously brushing my teeth. (It's not gross if you don't touch your toothbrush and immediately wash your hands...but anyway.) Luckily I had my cell phone in my pocket, so I answered. (Which broke the don't touch anything until you wash your hands rule, but oh well.) Now between the excitement and the glass of wine I had earlier, I'm like a thousand degrees. Holy cow. The bullshit stops here. Well, sort of. He gets passes on Wednesday and Thursday - 4 hrs Wed and 8 on Thurs. I'm sure we'll get yanked around and that I'll want to kill everyone, but that's in every facet of my life.
Now it's setting in how much I have to do and how little time I have to do it in. BAHAHAHAHAHAHA. To hell with it all. I have my cute outfit for Friday, and I get to tab my man. Everything else will come together. :-)
Now it's setting in how much I have to do and how little time I have to do it in. BAHAHAHAHAHAHA. To hell with it all. I have my cute outfit for Friday, and I get to tab my man. Everything else will come together. :-)
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Sunday Night Showdown
Well, it's half past ten now. I really hoped I'd be getting a phone call tonight, and it's still possible I guess. The anticipation is killing me, though, and I really haven't been able to get anything done around the house. Not good. If this thing does go through, I'm going to be a tad rushed at the end.
Uggh, I'm tired of talking about Ranger School. It's all I can talk about, and I'm exhausted just hearing it come out of my mouth. I'm sure everyone else is tired of hearing about it. Yet, it's really the center of my universe right now. The stress of that and my job is actually really starting to mess with me. I feel like I can't damn function. I pretty much have only been calling my mom and my sister because I don't want to drown anyone else in this (situational) depression I've got going on. (Of course I drown all y'all with this blog as well.) I'm sure they're loving it and praying harder than anyone that Joe gets the hell home. :-)
And then when he comes home, he's home, and we get to roll along in some sort of "norm" for a while before the next absence. It's a strange thing to get so excited for something that a lot of people already have - a spouse at home. When I'm really down I start thinking about how after this he'll deploy again soon. Then when we're out of the Army, he'll still do the same kind of job, so I wonder if he'll just always be gone. The other day it occurred to me that this is all some sort of ironic payback. All those times when I was long distance from a boyfriend, lost interest, and broke up with them... Oops. Now I pay the ultimate price in loving someone that I'm crazy about yet always kept away from. Sick thinking, huh? Hey, it's where we are at this point.
Damn, all my posts are dark and depressing. Well, on the bright side, I have just two full days of work and then two shorter days left this week. Joe or no Joe, I'm taking my damn four day weekend. Bet your ass I am.
Uggh, I'm tired of talking about Ranger School. It's all I can talk about, and I'm exhausted just hearing it come out of my mouth. I'm sure everyone else is tired of hearing about it. Yet, it's really the center of my universe right now. The stress of that and my job is actually really starting to mess with me. I feel like I can't damn function. I pretty much have only been calling my mom and my sister because I don't want to drown anyone else in this (situational) depression I've got going on. (Of course I drown all y'all with this blog as well.) I'm sure they're loving it and praying harder than anyone that Joe gets the hell home. :-)
And then when he comes home, he's home, and we get to roll along in some sort of "norm" for a while before the next absence. It's a strange thing to get so excited for something that a lot of people already have - a spouse at home. When I'm really down I start thinking about how after this he'll deploy again soon. Then when we're out of the Army, he'll still do the same kind of job, so I wonder if he'll just always be gone. The other day it occurred to me that this is all some sort of ironic payback. All those times when I was long distance from a boyfriend, lost interest, and broke up with them... Oops. Now I pay the ultimate price in loving someone that I'm crazy about yet always kept away from. Sick thinking, huh? Hey, it's where we are at this point.
Damn, all my posts are dark and depressing. Well, on the bright side, I have just two full days of work and then two shorter days left this week. Joe or no Joe, I'm taking my damn four day weekend. Bet your ass I am.
Friday, July 9, 2010
Je T'aime Mon Soldat
Well, I've already splashed it on facebook, but I got a letter from Joe that was sort of less than happy. He's freaked out that he's not going to pass Florida Phase, and he wrote that to me. I think they have two Field Training Exercises in which they are put in positions of leadership - graded positions - and while in those positions they earn their "go" or "no go." Joe was never put in a graded position in the first FTX, so he was not able to earn his go. He said that very few people were - only 6 or 7 total got "go's." And thus, he is freaked the hell out. Now, I have to remind myself that he freaks out easily, especially when under stress. Also, he never gets his "go's" the first time - not once in this process. He always gets it in the end, though. Well, except for that one time. But whatever.
I haven't really allowed myself to think about an August graduation. I mean at this point we're within the damn week. If he gets recycled, and this goes on for another six weeks, I don't know what I'll do. There's no way to prepare yourself for this. No wife who loves her husband and enjoys his company can be "okay" with one last week apart being extended to six more, especially when throughout this process we can't count on anything. It is nerve-racking, and in many ways more so than a deployment. I try not to think about it, but then I'm at work thinking about that stuff, which is awful. I need something positive that I can look forward to and count on. And just the absence of something negative (quitting my job) isn't enough. DAMN IT.
Still, I gotta get ready for whatever is going to happen. I guess I gotta focus on the one person I can control - me - and do things for myself. I need to start working out again, but I just don't see that happening until I quit. Also, and I know this may seem an odd way to "take care" of myself, but I've been thinking about a tattoo for months now. Something beautiful that Joe said to me once that is very pertinent to our constant separation. Doesn't seem like there'd be a better time to brand myself with something like that. Nope. Hell, I may look into that tomorrow. I've been researching the parlors around here, and I think I found one I like. I guess I'll go alone. Why not? I do everything else that way.
I haven't really allowed myself to think about an August graduation. I mean at this point we're within the damn week. If he gets recycled, and this goes on for another six weeks, I don't know what I'll do. There's no way to prepare yourself for this. No wife who loves her husband and enjoys his company can be "okay" with one last week apart being extended to six more, especially when throughout this process we can't count on anything. It is nerve-racking, and in many ways more so than a deployment. I try not to think about it, but then I'm at work thinking about that stuff, which is awful. I need something positive that I can look forward to and count on. And just the absence of something negative (quitting my job) isn't enough. DAMN IT.
Still, I gotta get ready for whatever is going to happen. I guess I gotta focus on the one person I can control - me - and do things for myself. I need to start working out again, but I just don't see that happening until I quit. Also, and I know this may seem an odd way to "take care" of myself, but I've been thinking about a tattoo for months now. Something beautiful that Joe said to me once that is very pertinent to our constant separation. Doesn't seem like there'd be a better time to brand myself with something like that. Nope. Hell, I may look into that tomorrow. I've been researching the parlors around here, and I think I found one I like. I guess I'll go alone. Why not? I do everything else that way.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Hot Damn
I'm watching the series finale of Will and Grace. I remember watching it back in 2006 when it originally aired, and damn, I forgot how funny it is. It brings me joy. Especially Karen.
It's officially my weekend now. All tonight and tomorrow of it. I have 500 things to do or something, but in true Katie form, I'm waiting....for....? Uh, I dunno. So shit may not get done, and I'm becoming okay with that. I know what I am going to do tomorrow like it's my life's mission and that is to find shoes for my graduation dress. I'm thinking sexy with a pop of color, yet something that will also keep me on my feet instead of face planting. Oh, and I also need to do an underwear check in case the dress warrants new of that too. Yes yes.
I worked 1-9 today, which kinda blew, but I managed to get some stuff done beforehand...and before it went into the 100's today. By 9:30AM I was getting my hair trimmed - dry cut for saving time and money. And by 10AM I was buying our odd sized air filters at the only hardware store in town I can currently find them. Woot. After I got home, I spent the rest of my time before work watering my outside plants and then tending to putting my resume on the cpol.army.mil website and applying for a job on post. Hell yeah.
Of course then I went to my current job. The process of quitting is actually more stressful then continuing to work there. What the hell? I'm being made to feel fairly guilty and have even been nicknamed Benedict Arnold. At this point I'm just doing all I can to get through the day. Just five more weeks and hopefully the last four will be with my man here cheering me on. Dude better be here. Because as my beautiful Georgia BFF said when she answered the phone earlier, "Today is July 8. Do you know what that means? Eight days until Joe will be home!!!" I love her. :-)
It's officially my weekend now. All tonight and tomorrow of it. I have 500 things to do or something, but in true Katie form, I'm waiting....for....? Uh, I dunno. So shit may not get done, and I'm becoming okay with that. I know what I am going to do tomorrow like it's my life's mission and that is to find shoes for my graduation dress. I'm thinking sexy with a pop of color, yet something that will also keep me on my feet instead of face planting. Oh, and I also need to do an underwear check in case the dress warrants new of that too. Yes yes.
I worked 1-9 today, which kinda blew, but I managed to get some stuff done beforehand...and before it went into the 100's today. By 9:30AM I was getting my hair trimmed - dry cut for saving time and money. And by 10AM I was buying our odd sized air filters at the only hardware store in town I can currently find them. Woot. After I got home, I spent the rest of my time before work watering my outside plants and then tending to putting my resume on the cpol.army.mil website and applying for a job on post. Hell yeah.
Of course then I went to my current job. The process of quitting is actually more stressful then continuing to work there. What the hell? I'm being made to feel fairly guilty and have even been nicknamed Benedict Arnold. At this point I'm just doing all I can to get through the day. Just five more weeks and hopefully the last four will be with my man here cheering me on. Dude better be here. Because as my beautiful Georgia BFF said when she answered the phone earlier, "Today is July 8. Do you know what that means? Eight days until Joe will be home!!!" I love her. :-)
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Yes, My Followers, Be Angry
Yeah, man, ain't that some shit - wanting me to stay on? I reckon if I wanted to keep working I wouldn't have resigned. But that's just me. I'm logical like that. Apparently y'all are too. That's a good thing. My coworker refused to ask me to stay and told the boss that she assumed he was joking. :-)
In other news, Overstock let me down today. Granted, I ordered only 300tc sheets, but still. The damn things suck and are already starting to rip at a seam after just being washed and dried 1x. They hadn't even been on a bed yet. I ordered them for our daybed, and I'm pissed. I actually took time to write a review so other people could be warned. Rookie mistake - I ordered the item, and it had only been reviewed once = a good review. Will not make that mistake again. Don't ya hate it when you get so excited for something to come in the mail only to have it be a letdown. Sonofabitch.
Speaking of mail, what did NOT arrive today was a letter from Joe. Now that we're inside Tuesday, this is basically the final week. I should know by next Tuesday (if not before) whether he's going to graduate as planned. Hmmm. You could say it's stressful waiting. Yes, yes, you could; you'd be right. I wish I'd have gotten a letter from him telling me some of what's up. Maybe tomorrow. Oppositely, I put something in the mail to him today - his care package. You're welcome, Joe. Hit the damn post office before work this morning and then even had time for an oil change beofre heading in. Going in at 11 is beautiful.
Nothing else really too noteworthy. Just trying to get shit done - tomorrow, I gotta mow the rest of the lawn, Thursday I get my hair trimmed and then work 1-9pm, Friday I'm off, Saturday and Sunday work with cool doctor, Monday work regular, Tuesday regular, Wed off early (maybe see Joe in evening), Thurs off early (maybe see Joe in evening) and all family arrives, Friday (next) GRADUATION. I can taste it. Not to mention, I'm excited to watch the Rangers In Action again. Need to pick up a few more combative moves...and of course I love black hawks. LOVE them.
In other news, Overstock let me down today. Granted, I ordered only 300tc sheets, but still. The damn things suck and are already starting to rip at a seam after just being washed and dried 1x. They hadn't even been on a bed yet. I ordered them for our daybed, and I'm pissed. I actually took time to write a review so other people could be warned. Rookie mistake - I ordered the item, and it had only been reviewed once = a good review. Will not make that mistake again. Don't ya hate it when you get so excited for something to come in the mail only to have it be a letdown. Sonofabitch.
Speaking of mail, what did NOT arrive today was a letter from Joe. Now that we're inside Tuesday, this is basically the final week. I should know by next Tuesday (if not before) whether he's going to graduate as planned. Hmmm. You could say it's stressful waiting. Yes, yes, you could; you'd be right. I wish I'd have gotten a letter from him telling me some of what's up. Maybe tomorrow. Oppositely, I put something in the mail to him today - his care package. You're welcome, Joe. Hit the damn post office before work this morning and then even had time for an oil change beofre heading in. Going in at 11 is beautiful.
Nothing else really too noteworthy. Just trying to get shit done - tomorrow, I gotta mow the rest of the lawn, Thursday I get my hair trimmed and then work 1-9pm, Friday I'm off, Saturday and Sunday work with cool doctor, Monday work regular, Tuesday regular, Wed off early (maybe see Joe in evening), Thurs off early (maybe see Joe in evening) and all family arrives, Friday (next) GRADUATION. I can taste it. Not to mention, I'm excited to watch the Rangers In Action again. Need to pick up a few more combative moves...and of course I love black hawks. LOVE them.
Middle Finger
Yeah, there's a few things about today that I want to give the middle finger to, but we'll do some good news first: I'm laying on fresh sheets right now, and I am hopeful that it will help me sleep through the night since last night I woke up at 1 something and 2 something and 3 something and so on. These sheets feel damn good, though, and I vacuumed tonight as well, as I have a rule where when fresh sheets are put on the bed, the room (at the very least) gets vacuumed. Heck yeah.
Now onto the middle finger awards: First up is my boss. Apparently my coworker has a vacation already planned and paid for that is to begin August 16...the day after I quit. My coworker checked in with my boss today to give him a heads up about her va-cay, anticipating a need for coverage in admissions since we'll both be gone, to which he told her to ask me if I'd work. Ummm, when I give notice, doesn't that mean I don't work there any more after the final date submitted on my resignation? And, when he does this kind of shit, it puts my coworker and me against each other. Naturally, she was a little snappy toward me today, as her vacation hangs in the balance, and I felt guilty all day about fucking quitting. What the heck?!
Next up is the dude in the Walmart parking lot. Grown man, you saw me trying to back out, and on foot, you continued to walk down the middle of the parking lot, not moving over at all. At this, I quickly backed out, nearly skimming the back of his legs while he passed behind me, and then pulled forward with him in front of me, STILL walking down the middle of the aisle. If he was deaf, fine, but he wasn't blind. I purposely got pretty close to him and then whipped around him as I commented out my window, "Why don't you get over?!" I looked at him in my rear view to see if he heard me, and he did. But the look in his eyes just screamed Axis II Asshole = Personality Disorder. I was so damn mad. That's the entitled crap I have to deal with at work; it shouldn't follow me to the grocery store.
Third and final is my dear husband Joe. You want yet another care package from me? Here's my middle finger, hun. Now I told y'all I got the best wife award for the last two that I sent, but to spare the negativity, I didn't write about how they were fed a big dinner before being given their care packages. Also, they were not allowed to take them on the bus ride to Florida. With that, the $100+ worth of stuff largely went to the recycled guys. But damn, Joe heard that they might be able to have care packages on the way home from Florida. I can't tell the boy no, so I got him a few things. Nothing big like my magnificent first box. Just a few things, and a little card that said "you best had passed." Yeah, he just needs to get his ass back here, and then I'll feed him whatever. But god help me, if I have to face another cashier with a box of twinkies in my cart and multiple oreos, etc, I'm going to cry. I usually try to reassure them that I'm not a binge eater. I'm certain they're super worried about it.
But about Joe coming home.... As I put my clean sheets on the bed tonight at approximately 11:30PM, the realization struck me, Oh my God, Joe is going to be home soon. That means that sheets will have to be on the bed well before 11:30 at night, dinners will need planned and cooked, and I'll have to deal with someone's alarm going off at 0430, after which I can never quite get back to sleep in the same way. In other words, my routine (or lack thereof) is going to be altered. And that freaks me out. With that, perhaps Joe gets both middle fingers. Lucky. :-)
Now onto the middle finger awards: First up is my boss. Apparently my coworker has a vacation already planned and paid for that is to begin August 16...the day after I quit. My coworker checked in with my boss today to give him a heads up about her va-cay, anticipating a need for coverage in admissions since we'll both be gone, to which he told her to ask me if I'd work. Ummm, when I give notice, doesn't that mean I don't work there any more after the final date submitted on my resignation? And, when he does this kind of shit, it puts my coworker and me against each other. Naturally, she was a little snappy toward me today, as her vacation hangs in the balance, and I felt guilty all day about fucking quitting. What the heck?!
Next up is the dude in the Walmart parking lot. Grown man, you saw me trying to back out, and on foot, you continued to walk down the middle of the parking lot, not moving over at all. At this, I quickly backed out, nearly skimming the back of his legs while he passed behind me, and then pulled forward with him in front of me, STILL walking down the middle of the aisle. If he was deaf, fine, but he wasn't blind. I purposely got pretty close to him and then whipped around him as I commented out my window, "Why don't you get over?!" I looked at him in my rear view to see if he heard me, and he did. But the look in his eyes just screamed Axis II Asshole = Personality Disorder. I was so damn mad. That's the entitled crap I have to deal with at work; it shouldn't follow me to the grocery store.
Third and final is my dear husband Joe. You want yet another care package from me? Here's my middle finger, hun. Now I told y'all I got the best wife award for the last two that I sent, but to spare the negativity, I didn't write about how they were fed a big dinner before being given their care packages. Also, they were not allowed to take them on the bus ride to Florida. With that, the $100+ worth of stuff largely went to the recycled guys. But damn, Joe heard that they might be able to have care packages on the way home from Florida. I can't tell the boy no, so I got him a few things. Nothing big like my magnificent first box. Just a few things, and a little card that said "you best had passed." Yeah, he just needs to get his ass back here, and then I'll feed him whatever. But god help me, if I have to face another cashier with a box of twinkies in my cart and multiple oreos, etc, I'm going to cry. I usually try to reassure them that I'm not a binge eater. I'm certain they're super worried about it.
But about Joe coming home.... As I put my clean sheets on the bed tonight at approximately 11:30PM, the realization struck me, Oh my God, Joe is going to be home soon. That means that sheets will have to be on the bed well before 11:30 at night, dinners will need planned and cooked, and I'll have to deal with someone's alarm going off at 0430, after which I can never quite get back to sleep in the same way. In other words, my routine (or lack thereof) is going to be altered. And that freaks me out. With that, perhaps Joe gets both middle fingers. Lucky. :-)
Friday, July 2, 2010
Don't Do It
Dude, if you're home alone a lot, and even if you're just trying to clean up a room for company coming, do not approach the box of letters that contain sweet notes from your husband, as well as some written by your beloved grandmother to you when you were a kid. Stay the hell away from that box... Amidst sobs and frantically trying to wipe tears off of letters before the ink ran, I found this letter written by my Oma's uncle (my great, great uncle). Bill and Else (pronounced 'Elsee') are Oma's parents, and Billie is Oma's nickname. Keep in mind that I was born in late Sept 1983. And other random fact - Uncle Wally was a dwarf. I have a vague memory of him from when I was little and how fun I thought he was because he was "my" size.
Dated Oct 11, 1983,
"Dear Bill, Else, and Billie,
Now that the reality of the expected coming event has had time to penetrate, Katherine Lindsay Shore has arrived to make life a bit nicer for all.
She has arrived into a great ready made family - parents, grandparents, great grandparent whom she will easily recognize. Aunts and uncles all the way up to great great aunts and uncles, and by the time she knows about all of them, she will be an exceptional child, close to a genius.
We are pleased and happy for each new arrival and believe that this one may be the wise one.
Congratulations and love,
Wally"
Man, I balled when I read this...probably because I'm emotionally labile all the time now, but also because I miss the Mississippi family I used to have and all our gatherings. Also, I wonder what these folks would think about me if they were still alive. I'm pretty sure I'm not close to a genius, but hopefully they wouldn't find me to be a big failure.
Hmm. This sort of ties into the whole career/job thing - I did give notice the other day, which went well. But without a job, will I have an identity? My priority is definitely to be able to see my husband and spend time with him, but I don't want to be known only as "Joe's wife." The wise one, though...I'd be okay with that.
Dated Oct 11, 1983,
"Dear Bill, Else, and Billie,
Now that the reality of the expected coming event has had time to penetrate, Katherine Lindsay Shore has arrived to make life a bit nicer for all.
She has arrived into a great ready made family - parents, grandparents, great grandparent whom she will easily recognize. Aunts and uncles all the way up to great great aunts and uncles, and by the time she knows about all of them, she will be an exceptional child, close to a genius.
We are pleased and happy for each new arrival and believe that this one may be the wise one.
Congratulations and love,
Wally"
Man, I balled when I read this...probably because I'm emotionally labile all the time now, but also because I miss the Mississippi family I used to have and all our gatherings. Also, I wonder what these folks would think about me if they were still alive. I'm pretty sure I'm not close to a genius, but hopefully they wouldn't find me to be a big failure.
Hmm. This sort of ties into the whole career/job thing - I did give notice the other day, which went well. But without a job, will I have an identity? My priority is definitely to be able to see my husband and spend time with him, but I don't want to be known only as "Joe's wife." The wise one, though...I'd be okay with that.
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