Blog O' Shit

I know I should be using my powers for good and not evil. I mean I long for the days of writing about living with D Shizzle and making fun of my family (kidding). But now this is all sad and serious...real life marriage bullshit. My god.

So we're back on the roller coaster ride. That break-through was apparently an emotional mirage, as we're in the shit again today. I can't explain it other than continuing to refer to Joe as a shell of a person. He's simply not all himself. Not that he's brain dead, it's more of a lack of emotions toward things. Lack of initiative. Lack of...anything other than wanting to come home, crack open a beer and zone out. And that's cool. But I'm being zoned out too - daily, which ain't good. We've been going in circles, as I'm all what's wrong and he's all I've told you everything and I'm all well there's something out of whack and he's all...(FINALLY)...uh, some guys said it took them two months to be emotionally back to how they were before [Ranger School]. WHAT?! I have to deal with this human shell bullshit for two fucking months on top of the time he was physically gone. Seriously? And in that time, we're supposed to take leave and have fun before he goes to Warrior Leadership Course for three weeks. Well, I think I'm just going to have to take another hit because I'm going nuts. I want to fly Joe to one of his friends or brothers. Being zombie-ish during "man" time is probably perfect - all they'll do is play video games, eat, and drink. If it means he comes home more himself, I'm willing to sacrifice some more time. Already, I literally feel like I'm losing my mind wondering who the hell this person is and where the Joe I know has gone to.

With all this, I'm realizing that I want to go and be with my friends and do things that make ME happy. Susan is coming to visit in September, and now that it's finalized, I'm getting more and more excited about it. When I told Joe, he was freaking out that he'd be in training while she's here, which I thought was actually pretty flipping perfect. We can chill, drink wine, and maybe finally watch Season 3 of Veronica Mars. We tore up S1 and S2 back in summer 2008. That was amazing. Also, I think I'm going to fly up to Chicago this fall and chill with the Croat and her family. She and her husband just had a daughter, and I gotta get up there and check it out. Other than maybe my biological sister Ari, there is no one that I share the same values, beliefs and general way of thinking with more than the Croat. She gets me, and I get her. And now I want to see her getting it as a mama. I'm pretty fucking pumped. It's nice to have these things to look forward to. Especially since I'll have an open ass schedule in which to do them. Katie Lady o' Leisure, here I come!