"Once Bitten Twice Shy....Babe"

That song brings back memories of driving around Kirksville, MO in undergrad as I did vocals and Croat did air everything - guitar, drums, piano. Dude, we were both in such a damn hurry to get through college and get on with life, but those were some of the best times. We both agree that we didn't realize how worry-free we had it back then...and the glorious naps. Oh man.

But, those days are gone. Now we're adults, and she even recently had her first child. I am so pumped to get up there and see the whole family together with the new addition. YEAH! For those that don't know, the Croat is my BFF from undergrad. Her actual name is Yvonna, but since she is Croatian, I ended up giving her the nickname "Croat." It stuck, and as far as I know, it doesn't offend anyone. But yeah, man, I am super excited to get on up there to Chicago.

With that, I have already "checked in" online, printed my boarding pass, and paid for my bag. Suck it, Delta. Hmm. I always wonder if Joe's dad is gonna be my pilot when I fly Delta. Wouldn't that be bitchin' - air-taxied around by my FIL. Guess it really wouldn't change anything, except I'd be more relaxed at the reduced chances of the pilot killing us. (Knock on wood) Annnd, I'm out.

PS. C25K Week 4: Complete. Today was Day 3, and I made it my bitch. Felt damn good. Joe runs with me now, but maybe one day I'll run with Joe. (She looks bright-eyed into the distance...fades to dark...as Chariots of Fire plays...yeah.)

And Now My Blog is Goth

I would kick this evening in the penis if it had one. Gah.

Bad crap about today (so I can end with the good):
So Joe started this course called Warrior Leadership Course aka WLC aka Army bullshit that people who have passed Ranger School should be exempt from. Yeah, in order for Joe to maybe have the only fucking promotion he'll get in his whole five year (mostly likely that'll be it) Army career, he has to do this course for three weeks. On Leadership. Ha. But I digress. The bottom line is that Joe came home showing his ass today out of anger and frustration over WLC. He hates that he has to do it and that it takes up so much of his time. For the sake of empathy, I can only imagine how much it grates him knowing he's already passed the Army's most difficult leadership course and now he's graded on leadership from people who haven't. Now that's a kick in the penis. Also, I had to give him a big Army haircut. But I sill made baby boy look damn good.

So anyway. Joe was kind of a pistol tonight, and I just couldn't do right by him the whole damn evening. Made me so mad I even cleaned our closet. Also, the WLC schedule has messed up Joe's ability to care for the dogs while I'm gone this weekend. So I had to schedule with the kennel, which makes me nervous because Dex's big cut ripped open today. Damn. Maybe I should just bite the bullet and haul his ass to the vet. Always, ALWAYS SOMETHING.

Though I still love him dearly, my day was pretty good before Joe got home. Had my coffee in the morning and then took a good 40 minute walk later in the AM. After that I got ready and went and bought a couple pairs of shoes to go with yesterday's purchases. Fear not: there was a sale plus I had a coupon. Speaking of, I am troubled by the jeans I bought yesterday. The ass cheeks aren't symmetrical. The butt seam hits a tad left of my crack, and that's a strange feeling when you focus on it. Either I need to stop thinking about it, which is hard when you start feeling like your pants are twisted, or I need to exchange them. How do you explain that? "Um, my OCD causes me to think nonstop about the asymmetrical booty fabric in these jeans. Do you have a pair where the seam will hit me dead in the crack? Yes? Perfect."

Tomorrow's a jog (with some walking) day. The whole "course" we took yesterday was 2.3 miles, which Joe estimates was 1.5 miles of running. (Speaking of him, he's asleep trying to stretch across the king bed diagonally. Hell no. I just whacked him.) So anyway. Tomorrow, I run and get ready for Chicago. Friday, I am outta here. Jesus. The gurgle-snoring is starting. I gotta hurry up and go to sleep. You ever get that 'Throw Mama from the Train' feeling with your pillow? I heard they're starting to build houses with two master bedrooms. Dr. Phil says this is a bad idea, but I'm not so sure...

Eff Yeah

Today was bitchin'. Thanks to my dad being a good man, my car title for the pilot arrived today. (It got sent to Missouri...because that car dealership didn't understand 'home of record' versus where I actually live.) But D Shizz acted fast, and it arrived here early enough today that I was able to hit the tag office and get everything squared away. No more temp tag. Gosh, that stuff was stressing me. It was a hassle to use my home of record (Missouri), which the dealership did allow, to purchase my car. See, they'll honor the sales tax where you live if it is cheaper for you, so I did, and I saved a couple hundred bucks. Every little bit counts.

And then I went clothes shopping. I drank the koolaid...

Joe gave me a $100 gift card to Express last Christmas, and I've tried to spend it before now with no luck. Don't ask. Today, though, I had luck, and a nice girl working there to actually help me dress myself. I bought a pair of jeans for about $90, a button up for $50, sweater for $50, 2 shirts @ $25 ea, and 2 camis @ $15 each. That's about $270 before tax. Not a whole lot of bang for your buck, but I needed to use my dang gift card save waiting for another Christmas to pass. Out of pocket, though, I paid only $90 and some change. Which means (drum roll) I saved about $80 with coupons and discounts...chick rang me up on two separate tickets to be able to use both my coupons and a military discount with one and promo discount for using my already existing store card (which I'll pay off immediately) with the other. Still, I felt a little guilty, but Joe thought it was great that I finally got some stuff for myself.

I know, I know - this is a nerdy post (hey - y'all know I love saving money and getting a good deal), so I'll close. I got a haircut this evening, which is awesome, and I did my second day in week 4 of my running program. Amazing. Body is feeling good, hair is did, and I got new digs. I'm ready to not look homeless up in Chicago with the Croat THIS WEEKEND!!!!

My Milkshake

Yeah, I'm trying to get rid of it. Or, maybe move it to where it's supposed to go. I was just reading a runner blog that a friend of mine follows. Very interesting and inspiring. Makes me almost excited to do Day 2 of Week 4 of the Couch 2 5K Program tomorrow. Week four ups the ante a little bit, and instead of only 9 minutes of running total there is now 16. Joe and I completed it yesterday, and I thought I would die. Stupidly, I only did 2 of the 3 exercises for week 3, which I'm realizing now was probably a pretty pivotal week. Further, I didn't walk much on my off days. Dumb dumb. We walked tonight, though, and I'm ready to eat right tomorrow and do what it takes to make Wk4/Day2 a success.

I was looking through pics tonight and came across a few from my college graduation in 2005. Damn, what a difference only five years can make. I was slim and my clothes fit well. Why do we have to have to be in the best shape when we're young and dumb?? I'm still slim now, yes, but I'm a little lumpy and some of my pants hurt my stomach due to their ill fit. My ass isn't too tight in them, just my stomach. Awesome. You girls with a big butt and a small waist, curse you.

If a Tree Falls on Your Neighbor's House, Will It Make a Sound?

I'm guessing yes, yes, it will. Bizarro weekend officially began Saturday morning around 10AM when my ten year old neighbor boy came knocking on the door and very urgently told me that they needed help and that something had gone wrong when his dad was trying to cut down a tree. Um, say what now? I asked him if everyone was okay, which they were...it was just that the tree-felling had gone awry and the dang thing was about to land on their house. Okie dokie. So, long story short, Joe and I with several other people sat and held on to a rope that was tied to the tree in a desperate attempt to keep it from teetering toward the house while a random nephew showed up with a bob cat. Using the bob cat and a Tahoe with ropes and chains, the tree was pulled down away from the house, other trees, the fence. It landed in the only spot where it didn't hit anything else, which was pretty remarkable.

However, before the graceful fall, we seriously sat out there on the rope for two hours or so. Joe even called a couple of his Army friends who came and also sat on the rope. I have a pretty sore ass and left hand, but I'm just thankful to have kept all my extremities. After watching one of the first nylon ropes snap and fly through the air with magnificent force (hitting no one, thankfully), I feared we would all be decapitated by the rope with chains at the end which was tied to the bob cat right next to us rope sitters. Alas, once the two vehicles pulled all the slack out of their ropes, us rope sitters were told to run. I never looked back to see where the tree was falling, and no chain whacked me in the face. Whew. Curiously, my husband was up in front of me, though he swears he looked back to make sure I was okay.

During the epic "tree event," we sent the neighbor's kids, their dogs, as well as the cousins who were visiting over to our house for safety. Their big male dog and Dex ended up getting into a fight, and Dex is a bit cut up. We opted not to take him to the vet, and everything is pretty much closed up and scabbing over, except one last cut. It's looking better and better, though, so I think I'm going to ride it out unless it gets infected. I drugged his ass with dramamine yesterday, so I was able to keep it bandaged. Not so much today, though. I didn't have the heart or the patience to drug him again, as he wandered around the house yesterday like the drunk friend you can't quite get to pass out. Though once he was down, Joe and I both laid with him. I even got up in the middle of the night to check on him. He's my kid, and I hate that he's hurt.

The last part of bizarro weekend was finding out yesterday that my long time off and on college (now ex of course) boyfriend is here at Benning and has been for several weeks. In an odd turn of events I randomly called him recently to see what the hell has happened to him. Don't worry; Joe is aware. See, the Croat and I have a tradition of calling B during our gatherings and harassing him. We last called him Oct of 09 but never heard back, thus a year later, I got curious and tried him again. That same day I called him, he saw Joe drive past him on post. Also, ironically, some of his training group's time at the range got canceled because of a fire that got started the other week by Joe's unit. It's like some Kevin Bacon shit up in here, especially since no one even knew he joined the Army. Anyhow, he called me back yesterday, and we caught up. This dude had a hard time catching a break for quite some time (which I played a role in as well, working through my fear of divorce/relationships in our time together), but it looks like he's set himself up for success. I'm happy for him. Joe and I are gonna meet up with him before he leaves in another couple weeks.

Might not be much for my readers, but this weekend knocked my socks off.

Too Happy

Is there such a thing? I'm finally more clearly verbalizing this feeling I've had for a couple years now. I have this weird thinking that if things go too well between Joe and I - if our little family is happy and everything is wonderful that something will happen to take it away. I don't fear that he'll leave me or that I'll leave him or that either of us will cheat or anything (truly am over my fear of divorce). Instead, I always fear that one of us will die. I don't know why that is. The feeling hits me from time to time, and it hit me again just now when I was looking at someone's picture on Facebook - a proud dad pictured with his two kids. I considered what that would be like for us, and then was instantly afraid it'd be taken. Maybe I figure if divorce won't get me, then something else will. I hope not; I want Joe and me to be on the Smucker's birthday - live to be ancient only to have some jackass butcher our last name on national TV.

Don't Donuts Sound Amazing Right Now?

"Sometimes I feel like I don't have a partner..." But today wasn't one of them. In the past I've been the crazy person who manages every little thing that goes on here, but lately I feel like I'm about to crack over the smallest detail. Maybe it's life's way of reminding me that I have a husband who's quite capable. Today we were trying to straighten out our new vehicle tag/title info so we can go ahead and get that done. Weird that our temporary tag expires in a week, and we haven't gotten the old title. I was stressing nearly to tears when Joe hopped on the phone, got sent to three different people in Tampa and was successful in locating our title. He also got information for a few other things...RE buying a car in Florida with a home of record in Missouri while we live and tag our cars in Georgia. Joe is seriously kicking it up a notch, and I'm starting to see him in a whole new light, thus my positive reinforcement over-floweth.

Other than that, it was my first day at the humane society. I'd say it went well. Cleaned up some poo and pee. Walked several dogs. Played with them, socialized, etc. I hope they enjoyed it as much as I did. However, I'm still scared of the chihuahua named Jesus. Since they do actually put clothes on Jesus (which is maybe why he's so pissed off), I believe a purple sweat suit is in order. Oh man.

Bite

Today was every bit the title of my blog. Wasn't even out of bed before my mechanic called saying my sunroof is going to cost a zillion dollars. I love the damn Nissan, but sometimes I want to set it on fire. I shouldn't say that, though, because I really haven't had to fix anything on it for a couple years. It's just always damn costly when I do, and cars aside, every month it's something.

As the day went on some other bullshit went down, and long story short, Joe's waistline may affect events leading to a promotion? I want to assault people. Masses of people. "Hundreds of cats. Millions of cats." (Anyone have that book as a kid? I did. Maybe it scared me, and that's why I have no cats today. Nah, just allergic.)

Two of the best things I did today was eat a bag of gummy bears and take our king comforter to the laundromat so the kind gentleman there could wash it. I must say that small man can fold a giant comforter like no one's business. But, the very best thing I did was rock out to my ipod on the big stereo while I cleaned this place. A big thank you to Susan for loading my ipod back in Cali 2008. Today I ingested a musical speedball with Alice in Chains and Devotchka. It was beautiful.

That is all.

Peck

Another Monday done. Shit, it was a weird day. Early on I wanted to kill people. My eye exam did not go as smoothly as I would have liked. The tech was pretty dumb and almost put the glaucoma tester machine in my eye. Like, I could feel my lashes hitting it when I blinked. Gah. Then the doc was trying to give me a lot of military family advice, which I didn't ask for - even went so far as to tell me that I have a voice when it comes to my husband's decisions. Excuse me. I know I may look like a misguided nineteen year old, but never mistake my youthful appearance for a lack of knowledge or ability to speak up. That aside, when I finally got my damn glasses exam (the contact exam is literally when you try some contacts and see if they "fit"...and it's $50..WTF), the doctor looked into my eyes with a super bright light and had me look in different directions. He asked if I'd ever suffered a trauma. I said no and then waited - silence, so I asked why. He told me something like the color disbursement in my retina is indicative of someone who's had a significant trauma. Never been told that before. I haven't had any significant injuries that I can remember. Other than having my wisdom teeth cut out, I've never had surgery, and hell that was done outpatient. I got mauled by a dog as a baby - my only hospitalization, but no head injury sustained. Doc just told me not to worry about it. Oh okay.

After another encounter with the flighty tech, it was all I could do to get the hell out of there. I mean she was a beautiful girl, but dumb as hell. Something like a gold ring at the end of a pig's nose. Useless. I managed to get two pairs of free contacts (by trying them on), paid for my contact "exam" and didn't bother with anything else except my freedom.

On the way home I missed two calls from an identical 800 number. The voicemail they left was from ADT, but I couldn't understand the foreign accent of the dude who left the message. Something about a back door? Fuck fuck fuck. I tried to call them back but "all representatives were busy," so I started racing home at that point. Pulled into the neighborhood in time to see a cop car leaving. I got to my house and hung up with ADT to find that when I'd kicked the dogs out before leaving for my appt, I didn't shut the back door well enough (or lock it - oops), so the dogs pushed it open, thus setting off the alarm. They were in the house, excited for my return home. I still checked all the closets and showers. No bad guys.

With that, I checked the mail to find a nearly $200 check from the US Treasury. No explanation, but the check says 'tax refund' on it and has all the fancy seals. Still, I entered the check info on the treasury's website, and it is legit. Just don't know exactly what it's from. We did all our taxes electronically back in the spring. Huh.

The rest of the day was more normal. Grocery shopped, found awesome deals, napped, did dinner with the boy, and together we also ran my day one of the C25K week 3. It went way better than the last (two) week-2 sessions. With Joe the time passed more quickly, and of course he gave encouragement. I showed him the pace I keep, which he approved, so I guess it's going pretty well. It felt good tonight. Yeah.

Straight Clownin'

But not really.

Weekend's over. Back to just weekday unemployment again. Booya. The weekend was good, but it went by in a flash. On Friday night we hosted my bff military wife for a Thai chicken noodle soup dinner here at the house. I'd been meaning to have her over for a while and figured she could especially use some TLC this weekend since she was sweating bullets waiting for her husband to pass Ranger School. Heard today that he did, so I'm pretty jazzed for her, and I'm excited to be able to go see him graduate. I think back to just a few months ago...and I'm so glad that's over.

On Saturday we got up, and Joe escorted me to the humane society's volunteer orientation, so I'm excited to start that this week. Woohoo! We also ran some errands, which included dropping my car off at the mechanic. I'm so hopeful the dude can jam the damn sunroof back in place and have it not cost too much. What fucking luck. Gah. But anyway. Last night we went out with some folks Joe works with to the middle of nowhere Alabama for haunted farm fun. I got startled a couple times, but it was hard to be real afraid one, because I'm hardcore, and two, because I was already in the company of a bunch of bat shit crazy people. Afterward, we came back to town and went out to a couple bars. Who knew it was already midnight by then? Eh, we didn't get home until about 0230 (after hitting Taco Bell of course).

The whole night had a very college feel to it. The last place we ended up felt a lot like undergrad with the hippy kids and their ideals. Alas, while we didn't get drunk, I think our lungs were pretty intoxicated. There are no smoking ban laws here, as there are in Missouri. Stupidly, along with all the second hand smoke, I smoked about a half a cigarette myself (to further the college feel - bah). I couldn't finish the damn thing; it made me so light-headed. Then today having sleep deprivation, allergies, and a cough from the cig smoke (plus the chainsaw smoke from the haunted farm), I was reminded that I don't bounce back quite as well as I used to. But that's okay because the other side of the going out experience was the meat market. My.god. I forgot what that was like, and I hope I never have to partake in that process again. Speaking of my husband, I'll close with saying that he was off the chain awesome all weekend. He did a ton of stuff with me hardly having to ask for any of it. ...... Wait, wait WAIT. Fall Out Las Vegas comes out next weekend, and I know he traded old games in for store credit to hold a copy of it. Could he have set himself up with leverage from this weekend to afford himself more time with his xbox next weekend? Ah, what the hell. G'night, y'all.

Oh God It Looks Like Daniel...

Must be the clouuuuuuds in my eyes...

Let's thank Mr. Elton John for the intro to my blog intro (double intro on purpose) about me being pissed off that I'm not going to see Daniel Tosh do stand up in Atlanta next Friday. Yeah, I left it up to Joe some months back, hoping he would surprise me with a bitchin' birthday gift. But, that was before he got his post-Ranger School humanity back, so that idea fucking tanked. Finally, in early September I tried to get tickets myself, but even still almost two months ahead of time, it was already sold out. FML.

I'm a big damn old lady, content to sit at home most of the time, but this pisses me off. I politely let Joe know my feelings on things thinking he would drum up some kind of effort to do SOMETHING. Of course he didn't start his search until after I caught him with his phone on hawtness.com. Don't judge. I'm sure your husbands look at shit as well, and that particular site actually isn't too bad. Some of it's even artistic. But anyway. After that, though, he got to work for this hawt wife. They say the couple that plays together stays together, and by golly, we'd better get off our asses and go do something.

Though without Joe, I'm at least getting the hell out of here on Halloween to go visit one of my best gals, the Croat. Super super super excited. Joe was supposed to be in lock down training during that time, but we found out just the other day that he'll be able to come home. And thus our plan to be Aqua Teen Hunger Force's Carl + his Eastern European hooker girlfriend for Halloween together has been foiled for this year...or at least for that particular weekend, but that's the Army for ya. No regrets for Chicago, though. None.

Last, tonight I finally did what I'd intended to do all along during my retirement and signed up for some volunteer opportunities. At first I was horrified because they all sounded like social work crap, which is necessary, yes, but the psych hospital stole my humanity. I have found that very few people actually want to help themselves. They want it fucking given to them and very VERY much believe that the government is here to fund them sitting at home reproducing with every person possible in between hits on the crack pipe. With that, I went to the PAWS Humane Society page instead so that I can work with beings that actually give a damn - dogs. They have an awesome website, too, where I could go ahead and click on activities to be scheduled for, as well as what I have a general interest in. There's an orientation this Saturday that I can go to, and I suppose I could start volunteering next week. I'm excited, and part of me wonders if maybe one day I'll go back to school and be a vet or something along those lines. We'll see. For now I'm content to work and learn as a volunteer. Throughout my time at the hospital, I always figured my best work would be in a volunteer capacity where the bureaucracy's grip isn't quite so tight. I'm hopeful.

Jabroney

Just sent in my reservation for Dex and Lu to be boarded during Thanksgiving week. Goodbye $100, though I guess that's pretty cheap. The kennel is literally 1-2 minutes from our house, and for military it is $10 per night per dog. Plus, our dogs love it. Dexter literally drags me up to their door, and Lu is just happy to have new people to smile at. (That's right - she smiles.) Another plus is that our vet is about 30 seconds down the road from the kennel. Hey, man, these dogs are my babies, and even though all this is pretty great, I am still nervous and sad to leave them for most of a week.

But at least I got the reservation marked off my to-do list (and before the kennel filled up). The last couple nights/mornings, I have not been able to get to sleep and then I've woken up at about 0400 with my mind going 100mph: gotta get the CR-V ready to sell and do A-Z with it, gotta tag the Pilot, gotta coordinate everything with T-giving, gotta get the Maxima fixed now (sunroof came off track over the weekend), gotta write my bday thank-you's, and on and on.

Of course instead of doing much of any of that, I researched babies today. I hear that I am pretty practical...for a woman. Most anything I do is researched extensively before I do it. I guess if I read about our new car for weeks and months before I finally went and got it, at least some work should be put toward planning for a future child prior to getting knocked up, eh? So I did a little reading online and reached out to a few folks with kiddos, the latter of which is also what my mom did before having me ( and thank you again, Helena!).

I even gave Mama a call, except that I forgot about the time difference between here and Cali and woke her ass up, to which I laughed and mocked her deep morning voice. I think she then called me a bitch! (Shock/horror.) Guess she had the last laugh when she drummed up some stories about me passing out on her boob while breast feeding as a baby. "You would just go limp. Hahahaha." To be honest, I'm glad we had that conversation over the phone and not face to face. That aside, Ma was in good shape when she had us at 28 and 32 years old. Four hours of natural labor for both Ari and me. ["me" is correct here over "I" because it is part of the predicate, not the subject] Of course, she ran track and played basketball all through high school. She even played college ball at Mississippi State - what up. While I did not inherit the height my mother has, nor as much of her athleticism as Ari did, hopefully I at least got some of the physical endurance. The bottom line is that she said the sacrifices she made to have us have paid off dividends and that she might only regret us if we started murdering people. Ah, I do love a good standard.

Blog in Review

Well, it's been a minute since I last wrote. Probably even more than seventeen. We've had a nice long weekend here, during which I took some time to reflect upon the last six months via this blog. GEEzus. I was a hot damn mess the whole time Joe was in RGR School. Why did any of you keep reading? I'm assuming it's because of my intermittent wit and charm. However, when I consider that I've since encountered other wives having a rough go of it too, combined with the fact that two relatives died during that time, as well as having been working at a state psychiatric hospital...well, I suppose I did okay. Kept my head above water, and sometimes that's all you can do.

We did have a good weekend here, though I think we both re-evaluated that statement after my neighbor was over here earlier asking skeptically if we like being at home. I think she has ridiculously long, busy days, and for a good 4-5 months of the year, they go to their lake house on the weekends. Um. After considering that our situations are incomparable, she probably can't understand that we do actually like being home together. Well...most of the time. We're usually just holding on for dear life until we're apart again. Thankfully, there hasn't been too much of that in the last couple months, but it's coming.

We did a little shopping, exercising, met up with some friends at the pond on post with all our dogs, napped, went to a park, and one evening found ourselves on the back patio having wine and cheese for dinner. It was a good time, but somehow amidst the booze we started the "kid" talk...again. It seemed like a good idea at the time, and we both got excited with the prospect. Joe admitted that he thinks about (having) kids a lot, possibly more than me, which was/is really endearing. And so, as we drained the bottle of wine, we started putting plans in place. But then I woke up the next day and was all WHAT THE FUCK?!! So. I don't really know where things stand now. Ha. We've had these talks before, usually without the booze, but if we'd stuck to one of the most recent plans, I would have gotten knocked up this summer. Our original plan was waiting until 30, which I'm still fine with, but with increasing awareness of potential fertility issues and miscarriages, we've started realizing that his may take a minute if at all. So while I freak out and think about how much a kid will cut into my TV time, I figure there's really no time we'll ever be 100% ready, eh? I mean, I'm not 16 and in high school. But man, I really like sleep.

Alas, what about the deal that I was to get a honeymoon before producing a child? My big Europe trip, yes. Well, with this increased security shit, how the hell am I supposed to enjoy myself on a trip like that? I'm not throwing down thousands of dollars to look over my shoulder the whole time, even with Joe's assurance that he can keep me safe. Have we met? Y'all know I have some pretty bad luck, and it would be something else to bitch about not having a honeymoon for three years only to be blown up once I finally got one. No thanks. We can save that trip for later, and go somewhere else for now. Hell, I'm really kind of just over it. Does this mean I am ready for a child? Is this a sign? Or is it just the terrorists winning?

Mullet Mullet Mullet

First off, this is my eighth week of unemployment. Awesome, yes. At first I was a little unsure, but now I'm digging it. However, I was told I would get my cashed out retirement in 6-8 weeks. Haven't gotten it yet. I have this nagging feeling that my hospital did not pass on the paperwork to the HQ in Atlanta. Geez, I'm already in a fight with Gold's Gym, threatening to write letters to the AG's office. It shouldn't be that hard to receive money that is rightfully mine, as well as to keep money that is rightfully mine. WTF, world?

In other news, I got a mullet yesterday. By accident. My friend is in the salon portion of cosmetology school, so I went in for a haircut to support her. It was going fine, save her instructors that kept coming over and messing with my hair. Without really talking to me one started twirling a section of hair around my face (Sarah had told her I wanted layers at the bottom on my hair, which was correct), and then the instructor just chopped the twirl. Then before letting me see, she did it to my other side. When I finally had to ask to see, I was horrified. These huge (at least to me they were) sections of missing hair around my face - NOT layers at the bottom. My friend knew it was fucked up, and she was trying to keep it together. So was I because I didn't want to completely taint her hair cutting experience with a teary meltdown. But to add insult to injury, before I left the instructor put all this anti frizz stuff in my hair, which is already naturally quite oily. It was as if she was wiping her hands off in my hair it was so much. My heart was beating so fast when they were done it was all I could do to get out of there ASAP. I looked like one of the sad kids on the bus in elementary school with a greasy mullet.

Before I was even out of the parking lot, I called my neighbor (who is a hairstylist) and gave her a panicked version of what had just been perpetrated against me. In the end, she came over last night to check out the damage, which I mostly kept pulled back all evening and night, and then I met with her this morning at her salon so she could fix it. Ahh, mullet no more. Plus, when it was over, my neighbor gave me a hug and said 'happy birthday.' She wouldn't let me pay her! Gah. She's so awesome that I don't feel I can ever do enough to repay her. Gonna try anyway and take some food over tomorrow. Maybe cookies later today. And beer. :-) Alas, I told my friend not to worry about the hair, as I know she did a good job on her part, but I didn't tell her that I was going to get it re-cut. Maybe she won't notice?

With my hair situation, it was kind of a blessing that Joe didn't get home until almost midnight last night. Night range. He'll be gone again as late this evening, which blows because I'm actually motivated to cook a few things, but I'd like to feed them to him fresh. I need to clean, and then do my Day 2 run/walk...Day 3 is Friday, and then it's on to Week 2. Happy, happy. Maybe later I'll drink wine and bake..because one healthy decision brings on another? In the meantime, I 'spose I can get a jump on the vacuuming and continue to contemplate how I may be perceived by others. I'm trying to work through how I may come off to some of Joe's family. I think I've always been a little misunderstood (even with my bio and step fams). My friends always get me, though, so I'm hopeful that since I still have friends, I'm not a complete shit bag. Maybe not even half. I'll go with 1/4 shit bag. Yeah, I can live with that.

Florida, No Thank You

So. Dexter likes to give us warning barks sometimes at night. From the couch. Seriously. He'll bark at shit without every troubling himself to get off the couch. Joe just about won't even go in there to check it out anymore, though I force him to. Really, though, Dexter could have the decency to at least walk up to the window like he does in daylight hours instead of remaining on his tush on MY couch.

That aside, I did end up driving to Tampa and buying a new(er) vehicle last week. I could not talk them down at all because they knew as much as I did (why else would I drive to Tampa?) that they had the best deal around. Whatever. It was still less than we'd anticipated spending, and the blue book and edmunds values were still much higher than they were selling for. The Pilot is immaculate, and I almost don't want to drive it. Too nice for us or something. Of course that's not how our relationship started. I spent six hours at the dealership getting Florida-Missouri paperwork straight since our home of record is Missouri...taxes, licensing crap, etc. When I finally left, I noticed a strange light lit up on the dash and a weird vibration when I drove that hadn't been there during the test drive. In a hurry with beginning my 6.5 hour return trip much later than intended due to my all-day stay at the dealership I didn't turn back and instead pulled over and eyed the vehicle myself. Looked good. Back on road. It wasn't long before I had my first solo flat tire on the interstate. Woohoo. Yeah, that light on my dash was a low tire pressure light. Dumb, huh? No. Our other cars are from 1997; there are no fancy dash lights. The 2006 Pilot has about 87 of them, though, all of which I can now identify.

But wait. What happened with the flat? Well, I slowed way the hell down, and the next mile marker happened to be a rest stop, so I pulled off the interstate completely. I then called USAA because I insured the damn thing before I left the dealership. The lady I talked to was bat shit crazy, which doesn't happen often with USAA. However, policy is still policy, and theirs is that roadside assistance doesn't kick in until a vehicle has been on a policy for 24 hours. WTH. I cried and yelled a little at crazy lady as I told her I would pay out of pocket and to just get someone to help me. So she did. Sort of. A guy came and changed my flat. It would have been way hard for me to do alone - large vehicle, and even big Sam with missing fingers had to reference the owner's manual. This was all at 5PM, closing time. I then called USAA back and talked to a lady who'd taken her meds for the day. She helped me find the nearest Walmart since by that time my cool smart phone internet had gone berserk. Long story short: I'd ran over some screws, or rather "they" did at the dealership when they "detailed" it for me. The tire couldn't be saved, so I bought a new one. I then drove home through a bunch of rain and welling anxiety. My whole body ached by the time I arrived here at 12:45AM. Thankfully, I do love the car despite all the BS, which was really questionable last week.

And that's my epic Tampa trip. It's been a good week since, and the weather has been amazing. We spent all of Saturday working in the yard, and then went out for sushi. Yeah!! We're also trying to use the good weather for our health. Joe's starting to run in the neighborhood again (just whips out 6-7 miles...gah), and I started the Couch 2 5K program today. It was great, and I don't feel like I hate running like I usually do when I start something like that. I'm looking to start P90X again too, as I think my back is as good as it's going to get. However, I think I may do the "lean" version first - more cardio. Something's gotta give, man. I can hardly fit into my clothes. Joe and I are both in the same boat, except that his body is still messed up from Ranger School starvation. Anything he eats is stored as fat. And me, well...this is a result of the ass to couch program I started nearly two months ago. Never go ass to couch. :-)