Sunday Night Showdown

Well, it's half past ten now. I really hoped I'd be getting a phone call tonight, and it's still possible I guess. The anticipation is killing me, though, and I really haven't been able to get anything done around the house. Not good. If this thing does go through, I'm going to be a tad rushed at the end.

Uggh, I'm tired of talking about Ranger School. It's all I can talk about, and I'm exhausted just hearing it come out of my mouth. I'm sure everyone else is tired of hearing about it. Yet, it's really the center of my universe right now. The stress of that and my job is actually really starting to mess with me. I feel like I can't damn function. I pretty much have only been calling my mom and my sister because I don't want to drown anyone else in this (situational) depression I've got going on. (Of course I drown all y'all with this blog as well.) I'm sure they're loving it and praying harder than anyone that Joe gets the hell home. :-)

And then when he comes home, he's home, and we get to roll along in some sort of "norm" for a while before the next absence. It's a strange thing to get so excited for something that a lot of people already have - a spouse at home. When I'm really down I start thinking about how after this he'll deploy again soon. Then when we're out of the Army, he'll still do the same kind of job, so I wonder if he'll just always be gone. The other day it occurred to me that this is all some sort of ironic payback. All those times when I was long distance from a boyfriend, lost interest, and broke up with them... Oops. Now I pay the ultimate price in loving someone that I'm crazy about yet always kept away from. Sick thinking, huh? Hey, it's where we are at this point.

Damn, all my posts are dark and depressing. Well, on the bright side, I have just two full days of work and then two shorter days left this week. Joe or no Joe, I'm taking my damn four day weekend. Bet your ass I am.