Beach Blog

Yeah, I'm blogging while I'm on vacation. It's something that I enjoy doing, and since I actually have a little free time, I'm going to take advantage here. Also, it's a red flag beach day due to weather, so we can't get in the water today because of strong currents associated with wacky thunderstorms. Yeah. Mean looking clouds are rolling in as I type this, and it's getting darrrrk.

Weather aside, this vacation has been interesting so far. I guess Joe and I haven't had a whole lot of time together lately. When he's been home on the weekends, I have been at work. However, the time we have spent together at home has been very good, and I did not anticipate having any issues here at the beach. How naive of me. Bah. In the three to four arguments that we've had since the drive down on Saturday, I have deduced this: Joe's job has been getting to him more than he has let on lately, and it's exacerbating some of our existing issues. Yes, be shocked - I have control issues. I have been very independent for a very long time, whereas Joe has not been. At least not to the degree I have been. We even began our relationship having fairly different responsibilities as young adults. For example, when Joe and I began dating, he was still living in a dorm, while I was in my fourth year in an off-campus apartment. I've sort of always had more domestic responsibilities, and it's been hard for us to find a balance. Now that Joe is in the Army it's even harder. Sure, we're a married couple living together now, but he doesn't have time to take care of a lot of stuff at home. So I do it. And that further unbalances things. I don't really know what to do about it. I try with the little stuff. Like, I try to show Joe the excel bill spreadsheet and show him our costs, etc so as to keep him in the loop even though he doesn't have the time to devote to tracking and paying everything. Also, I let him know when rent is due and when I've paid it (it's the only bill that requires actually physically dropping off a check). I also try to let go of things around the house. Joe has taken over the lawn mowing, which I know he enjoys. We've also started grilling more lately, which I can see he loves as well. I even showed him how to wash and trim chicken last week (in hopes that he can take over a few dinners)...and I walked away and did not hover over him while he did it.

I guess the bottom line is that I know I have issues, and I am trying to work on things. I know sometimes I act like Joe doesn't know how to do anything. I'm not sure why I do that. It may be because I'm a bitch and am mean. It maybe be because Joe often does not take the initiative to take care of things sometimes, though I find later he really does know how to do the task - hello, car maintenance (yes, I do much of that too). Or, it may be because I find out that there are odd little things that he really doesn't know how to do, which shocks me because in my little family o' my sis and me, it's something we've been handling for years - the cooking and household chores. But I'm working on it. I'm trying to be tactful in how I handle these issues and not treat Joe like he's stupid. I'll be honest - I'm not always good at it. But I'm trying, and I'm making a conscious effort not to micro-manage. I sound sick, don't I? Well, I'm owning it, so don't preach at me.

With the stress of Joe's work (which I'll not go into detail here - it's the Army - use your imagination) if there's even a hint of me making Joe out to be incompetent or an unequal in our relationship, he will sort of lash out at me. Yesterday, I told him he'd acted a little weird when we went to go pick up a pizza. The cashier asked him a question, and he totally stopped, turned his head, and stared at me, as if I had the answer. And the question was "Do you both want a drink?" My drink was the first that was ordered, so I knew I wanted one. But when he stopped and stared at me, it was almost like he was looking at me to say whether or not he wanted a drink. I didn't really reply, and the whole thing was some sort of misunderstanding. I dunno. But the fact that I said Joe had acted "weird" really set him off. He compared me to his family and "every other girlfriend" he's ever had. Because none of them have ever thought he was weird. Dude. I was dumbstruck. I felt the same way when he got real mad at me yesterday when I added "Shore" as my middle name to my facebook profile. He got so mad, and I could not understand why. He thought I didn't want to be a Mulia or something, (EVEN THOUGH I LEGALLY CHANGED MY NAME TO MULIA) but really I just wanted old friends to be able to look me up on FB. (Of course, his reaction pissed me off, so I dropped Mulia altogether).

So anyway. I don't really know what's going on. This is a side of Joe that I've never seen before. He's not an angry guy, but the past 24-48 hours have been a little off the chain. That said, I AM an angry gal sometimes, but with that self-awareness and knowing when I'm a bitch, I thought I'd been pretty chill lately. I was really looking forward to this vacation and hopefully it'll get better. I guess it's going alright today, but who knows what Joe is thinking.

And so chilren, welcome to married life and the true meaning of needing a vacation from your vacation. I miss Dex and am looking forward to going home.