Does This Baby Make My Ass Look Flat?

Mama and Maddie a few weeks ago.

Expletive, expletive, expletive.  You have no idea how long I just spent posting a caption to that picture of Maddie and me....then not being able to get out of the caption to write normally....then deleting the caption (which I'll add back when I finish writing)....then having the cursor stuck above the picture.  DAMN YOU, BLOGGER!!!!

So.  I need to be going to sleep.  But Joe has tomorrow off, so I know I can sleep in.  Which means I'll stay up later tonight and then get up a little later in the morning, ultimately getting the same amount of sleep that I normally would.  Because I'm a dumb ass.  Really, though, the last two nights have been fabulous.  Either Maddie has slept through the night without waking up to be replugged (pacifier), or I have been so tired that I have slept through her cries, and she has self-soothed back to sleep.  The latter is entirely possible.  I have a vague memory of being out of bed last night.  I know this because I used the hall bathroom (instead of the master) and then got back in bed and noticed the clock said it was 1 something.  I have no idea why I was up...if it was for a kid or a dog.  The next time I woke up was at 5:50am.  I sprang awake and immediately patted Joe's side of the bed.  Finding it empty, I realized that I slept through his 4am alarm that wakes me up every morning.  It was glorious.  SLEEP!!!  Sleep in consecutive hours!!!

Not only do I need more sleep, I need to exercise a little more and lay off the sweets.  I have been starting to walk on the new trail that's literally right outside our neighborhood.  The city of Columbus paved an exercise/nature trail that goes across the whole city, and one of the entry points is about a 10 minute walk from our house.  I'm really glad to be able to use it, though I've told Joe I need a taser and some flexi cuffs for when I'm by myself...which is also when it is affectionately called "the rape trail."  

But I digress.  I need work on a healthier lifestyle not only to have some more energy but to also fit back into the majority of my pants.  Sure I can zip them up...but you don't want to be out in public with me.  I look like (some of) the cow girls I went to high school with who wore super tight Wranglers.  By that, my ass is completely flattened due to the jeans acting like some sort of body shape wear (and also because I lost my ass in delivering my child...it was there, and now it's not).  Further, and I do mean FURTHER, you can probably see my birth canal in all its unused glory.  Last, my midsection over floweth.  Yes, it's all kind of muffin top, not to mention it's not at all comfortable, and in no way does it make me feel good or attractive.  So yeah, gotta work on that.  And to prepare, I must sleep!!  Good night.