So just a couple days until Joe leaves, and I'm starting to get a little bummed out. I definitely keep the mindset that continued training is a good thing in that it will make him a better soldier. Because hell, that's what this is all about...but it doesn't mean I won't miss him. I don't say too much about it to Joe because I know he doesn't want to leave me either. He's been verbalizing such pretty frequently within the last week, though he definitely wants to further himself as a soldier. However, it didn't help that he watched the military-wide (or is it just Army?) suicide prevention video. Apparently most suicides are born out of spouses leaving while soldiers are away. I assured him I'd be here when he got back because if I wasn't going to see this thing through, I wouldn't have let him move me to damn Columbus, Ga in the first place. I'm pretty sure he knows that.
Anyway. Dexter's outside running around as if he has a playmate, but alas, it's just him tossing his ball in the air and chasing it. How insane. Soon he'll be playing with others, as we'll be attending our Army wives lunch/doggy play date here in a bit. I'll be bringing the gin.
In other news, does anyone ever feel like you're about to drop the ball on everything? I've been putting our bills into an Excel spreadsheet, but for the last couple months, I've still had this panicky feeling like I've forgotten something. As it turns out, my Mediacom payment didn't go through last month, which sent me into a tailspin earlier this week. Bah. Also, trying to make sure I take care of all the little things are adding to this feeling - find a real job, sign up for CPR for the one I've got, reschedule my state merit exam before they suspend me from being an applicant for two years, get the taxes done, and a few weeks ago there were the car tags which involved me crying outside of the tag office as I yelled at Joe on the phone for not completing the one document I left for him to do. Mmm hmm. I guess all these little things are what adulthood really is, and it's pretty symbolic of life in general - maintaining your life's status quo. That's really what we're all fighting for everyday. Feeling sick? Take these meds, do this and that, and finally (hopefully) you'll feel like you did previously - back to normal. Have a fight with someone? Wait it out, talk it out, and you might finally get things back to normal. Forgot to hit the final submit button on our cable bill payment? Review your bank statement, check your bill e-mails, and pay the damn thing off immediately when you realize no, the money never went through. It's sort of depressing to think about, but often times life seems to be about handling a series of crises to get things right again. Has anyone else ever noticed that? When something finally gets taken care of, for example, my Wells Fargo furniture account that kept getting screwed up, it feels truly relieving until you realize that all the work was just to get things back to normal. We work and work and work to get things just the way they were before. Ha. But, I guess as they say, much of life's beauty is in the way things are handled. If that's true, I should have rainbows shooting out of the roof of my house. Or, my house should have burned down a long time ago. I'm not sure.
Life is good, though, right? :-) I'm off to bag up my booze. Happy weekend.
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5 comments:
Well enjoy your Saturday with Joe, and go buy some craft projects to do while he's gone ;)
Hope your lunch and play date went well, it's not good to get a DUI before 5 pm, either.
Being an adult sucks. I hear ya on that! Life revolves around bills, jobs, and responsibility. Whenever my students complain how rough their life is, I just give them the look...just the way my dad used to when I complained about such things at their age. Yep.
Sometimes I realize I'm spending my days WAITING for Nic to come home....I find myself waiting fir life to be normal instead of living life the way it is for the time being. Does that make sense? It's hard to not want to fast forward X weeks until the hubby comes home....I never realized what a sacrafice military WIVES and their families make until I was one! Keep busy while Joe is gone!
I only had one cocktail. No DUI. Yes, I am remembering crap my dad told me about adult responsibility. I hate it when he's right. Sigh. During Joe's 07/08 training, I pretty much lived the way you are, Ingrid. And not to freak you out, but I still do to some degree. He's still busy a lot - long days at work - weekend crap going on. Just to have him be able to go off with me for one weekend is pretty extraordinary. It's definitely a sacrifice. It makes you stronger, though, and you'll have an appreciation for time together that many others will never understand. Have fun seeing Nic!
The real life stuff really does feel like a never ending series of panic attacks sometimes. This time right now after Helena's heart surgery has been the single hardest time in either of our lives and, like you said, all this work trying to get life back just to normal. But with a baby (who's now six months old!) there is no normal. You just have to remind yourself that life is going to try and come between you and who you love, but who you love is the person that will get you through life.
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