"But You're SO Skinny!"

That's what I'm told, even now, and it's mostly true.  My genes are what they are (have you seen my dad?!), and it turns out I have a pretty small frame.  But even a gal with a small frame can get a little bulk that needs to come off.  That is where I am currently. 

See, I had a baby.  Dunno if you heard, but I did.  ;-)  She was born over a year ago, and while I do not know exactly what I weight currently.  I know that before I moved to Arizona, I was at my pre-baby weight.  Now, what folks may or may not tell you is that post-baby the weight does not redistribute to exactly the same places it did pre-baby.  In fact, even if you're so skinny, you may end up with this almost invisible inner tube around your waist.   You don't see it or really care until you try to dress nicely...in your clothes...that you used to be able to wear.  Goddammit.  Adding insult to injury, the ass you worked for seems to just disappear, like it dissolved upwards into your inner tube.  So, then, when you're wearing your pants that your middle is spilling out the top of, they are loose in the ass.  AND, you lost your boobs to breast feeding.  So you're walking around in your inner tube, flat above it and below it.  And it sucks.  This is what has happened to me. 

People can tell you how great you look and how skinny you are and not to worry, etc, etc.  But maybe, just maybe, they should shut the fuck up.  If YOU don't feel good in your skin and cannot wear your own clothes and feel like you have no energy half the time and have no time to do something to make YOU feel better and more healthy, then other people telling you that you look great is even more of a waste of your already precious time.  (Unless you have body dysmorphic disorder, then you need to listen to those people and get a therapist and some meds.)  This is currently how I feel about it all.

So what am I doing about it?  I've had enough.  I had gotten into better shape, reduced the inner tube, etc a few months back, but the move just erased all my efforts.  So, I'm getting back at it.  I want to feel better physically and emotionally, and I want to wear my clothes well again.  I'm starting to exercise more and watch what I eat...to include making sure that I DO eat....easy to forget sometimes.  I joined sparkpeople.com (it's free) just to kind of track myself a bit and have a few resources available to me should I need them.  So far it's pretty cool.  I do NOT want to join a gym.  It's just a waste of money.  I want to run/walk in my neighborhood and do some strength training using my own body weight (for now).  I may end up buying a few free weights, but that can wait.

And so, part of my goals in this process (sparkpeople has you set goals outside of just diet and exercise...duh) is to journal three times a week.  I figured I'd use my blog for that, so expect more about all of this.  Feel free to share with me what you're doing.  I'd love to hear it....um, and consider most of what I do involves either a toddler in a stroller or a toddler taking a nap.  K.