Off the Ledge

It's a cool, cloudy day here in the SV.  Maddie is napping, and went down without screaming, our latest issue to tackle.  I'm washing my diapers, which I think I finally have a handle on here with a front loader and really hard water.  And all in all things are well. 

Thanks to everyone who wrote to me, shared links to get me socializing or just out of the house, etc, thought good thoughts, and offered to send wine.  :-)  You all helped talk me down, and I greatly appreciate it.  I will utilize the links, and while I no longer need it, anyone who ever wants to send wine my way is welcome to do so.  I think we're going to visit a local winery soon, though.  So yay.

Other sources of mental improvement have been rest (mind-blowing, right?), positive familial relations (and other more fucked up family members moving to town that make the rest of us look normal and like each other more), and Joe stepping up.  I know a few of us had to spell it out for him, but he got it.  He was actually doing so much for a minute there that I thought he might soon have a meltdown.  At any rate, I am better and not feeling so hopeless about living here.  It's a new place, and I'm going to try to make the best of it, as I may not have another opportunity to live here.  Hopefully I didn't just jinx myself. 

On a lighter, much lighter note, I thought I should update you all about my boobs.  Here's how the world works:  you have a baby, get gigantic boobs you've never had before, feed the baby the best stuff there is FOR A WHOLE FREAKING YEAR, and then when you're done, you end up with less boob than you started with.  IT IS NOT FAIR.  I was so busy with the move (and wearing sports bras all the time to get the milk to go away) that I didn't immediately notice that they were gone.  Then one day I was like, whoaah.  It was seriously crushing at first...that whole woman-body self-esteem thing.  Didn't even let Joe see them for a while.  Now I'm used to it.  Oh well.

All that milk seems to have done Maddie a body good.  She had her 12mo well-baby yesterday.  Measured up well at 19.1 lbs and 27.75 inches.  The overall experience with the doctor here sucked.  He made her cry hysterically right off the bat by jamming some instrument into her ear to get the wax out and then continue the exam while she was still hysterical, asking ME to hold down her arms and head.  I started to speak up to tell him that this was a job for a nurse, not me...heartbreaking to hold down your upset, possibly in pain, child, but by then he was done.  AND THIS WAS BEFORE THE FOUR SHOTS.  Fuck off, doc.  So I pretty much forgot all of my questions to ask, and the doc disappeared.  I don't know if that's routine for him or just after he hurts a child and pisses off their parents.  Whatever.  Amidst all of that, he let me know that he heard a murmur when listening to her heart.  So he ordered an echo to rule anything out.  The order is processing, and we're supposed to get the appt information in the mail.  Since Joe has only another week left in the Army, I'm not real sure we'll get to investigate that until we're on the civilian side of healthcare.  Fun, fun. 

This is exhilarating stuff, I know.  I was going to write more about all of the cloth diaper washing issues I've been having lately, but I'll spare you.  Just know that the highlight of my day today will be waiting for the arrival of my special diaper detergent for hard water.  And know that I spent a good part of this past Monday boiling all of my diaper inserts due to detergent build up.  Yeeeeeah.  Okay, it's cookie time.