Dinner tonight. This day. This week. Garbage. I was hoping this was going to be a post about how nice the weekend was. How I finished the race and had a great time in St. Louis. Instead, it's about the end result of being home all week with a quarantined kid as she gets over a virus and goes insane, thus making me insane. Today has really been the cherry on top of a shit sundae. My kid has wanted to be held most of the day and would cry when I put her down. Even if I was right.fucking.there.beside.her.
Who do I have to call and commiserate? I dunno. I called Joe at one point and cried. I had decided that fuck the virus, we were gonna go to the library. So we did. It wasn't bad. But she was pissed off toward the end. Tried to melt down in the library, uh, foyer? Whatever the opening area is. So I carried her out and listened to her whine/cry on the way home. Finally arriving home, I thought we were free until I came in to see that dogs had destroyed one more goddamn thing, and I swear to jebus I think I blacked out. I lost my shit on those dogs. And then I called Joe in tears. Because he knows the situation better than anyone, and he's my husband, partner, best friend. All of that stupid bullshit.
Well, he apparently was having a bad day. Because he came home and instead of being our calming force, has just been pissed off. Which is awesome. He decided that despite it being the only thing that has calmed Maddie down at times today, he would not pick her up. He didn't want to set a precedent. UM, FUCKING PICK HER UP. WE ARE ON A SINKING SHIP, MAN. So I got to continue to listen to whining and crying just as I had all day, with the added bonus of another strung out adult. Basically, this amazing energy was present into and throughout dinner, after which I locked myself in the bedroom where I am currently.
I am in the red zone, y'all. I don't know if Maddie is reacting to being home all week when we've previously had a pretty set schedule of things outside the home or something else is wrong with her physically aside from the cough. Or, if god forbid she is reacting to the fact that we left her with her grandmother for an overnight on Saturday. Whatever it is, she is going to preschool in the morning and getting back on track.
Honestly, I have no idea what I'm doing as a parent, and I'm going to honestly say that it isn't so enjoyable right now. It's been a struggle more than just this week. More like the last couple of months. Last night I looked back on pictures, and I remember that Maddie was a pretty chill little baby, even with the GERD. As she started walking, we still had a good time, and then somewhere around 18-20 months maybe a change started to occur. This change has evolved into where we are now. I've got a mom friend who warned me that this is the most un-fun time she has experienced so far with her children. But that it gets better. So that gives me hope. I try to play with Maddie and interact, but I swear as soon as I do that, she's onto the next thing or pissed off at what I'm doing. There is no pleasing her.
And so today, I leave you with this - Reasons why my child cried today:
- She wanted picked up x1000.
- She wanted her spoon back (that was taken away due to the aggressive nature with which it was being used).
- She didn't want me to keep her from trying to climb over the railing from the second floor of the library.
- She wanted (but was not allowed) to watch 800 episodes of Shaun the Sheep.
- She was watching Shaun the Sheep.
- I made her stop pulling on me while I was trying to read the recipe for dinner. SO I COULD FEED US.
- She dropped her water.
- I had to make her lunch.
- I brushed her teeth.
- She dropped a bottle of tylenol that I let her shake.
- She woke up from her nap.
- I changed her diaper.
- Her straw was taken away from her due to the aggressive nature with which it was being used.
- I wouldn't let her walk on the dry erase board while I was cleaning it off for her to draw on.
- She was taken to her room to get ready for bed. (Just heard this.)
And so on...
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
"...that was taken away due to the aggressive nature with which it was being used." Man, learning cause and effect is traumatizing apparently. I love you. And I'm glad you were doing better yesterday when she finally got to go back to day care.
I can completely relate to this behavior. I felt like a train hit me for like 6 months. My kids were MONSTERS. The thing that I think changed for us was when they started being able to communicate well. They could talk well, but I didn't always understand them and it was a big frustrating mess. Don't get me wrong, its still hard, but its somehow less hard...if that makes sense. I feel like maybe we turned a corner. Maybe. Annabel is VERY high strung and demanding. Not getting basic needs met (enough sleep, food, whatever) can turn her into a three headed monster. If she is sick, forget about it. I really hope you turn the corner soon. It DOES get better. I'm sorry things have been so tough. Child rearing isn't for the faint of heart, that's for sure.
Yes, it was rougggghhhhh.
Aimee, YES!! It's total frustration here, and I agree that a lot of it is over an inability to communicate. She is so much more verbal now, but I definitely can't understand a whole lot of it. Maddie sounds a lot like Annabel, and this week she much better now that she is no longer sick. We're back to just our usual amount of intensity. I'm glad to hear it gets better. You give me hope!!!!
Post a Comment