It Isn't Friday. But it Should Be.

I think we're nearing zero hour.  Where Maddie awakes from her nap, and then we time travel until bed.  Yesterday I busted my butt around the house, and today has been largely the opposite.  I've found that it is very hard for me to find balance.  Like I can't quite find my cruise control.  You can either write your name in the furniture or eat off of it.  Depends on the day. 

The last week and a half or so has been crazy.  One night an old friend stopped by and generously let us know that he was in our corner, which was awesome.  I think most people don't even realize that we need folks in our corner, but I guess that's probably our fault.  To the friends that have reached out, I thank you.

And then the very next morning I got a text/phone call from a friend telling me her baby died the night before.  I guess that's the ebb and flow of life.  And thus I'm doing my best to let her know I'm in her corner. 

In what feels like a flash, this week is almost over.  I've done well to keep up with the house, etc, but I've had very little motivation for exercise.  Again, that whole balance thing.  Joe is wrapping up an insane month of work, and Maddie is hopefully getting back to baseline.  I remember saying to Joe a little before Christmas, "Hey, ya know that hit by a train feeling regarding Maddie?  Yeah, well I feel like that's lessening.  I feel like she's more enjoyable."  He agreed.  And then the hell of Christmas broke loose.  I don't know why or how.  There were only two real days of chaos.  Her overall good attitude crapped out, though, and so did the potty training.  Truly heartbreaking.  Then, she got sick last week, and the sleep deprivation from coughing all night long for a few nights carried over to this week.  There have been times where Joe and I turn to each other in the midst of a fierce meltdown and simply said that we don't know what to do. 

Today was better, though.  She's been more agreeable, and I hope we're getting back on track.  I wish the "Mama, hush!" and "Go away!" shouts/comments would stop.  Today while she was eating lunch, I wordlessly pulled out my phone to make a call.  Before I could, I heard this tiny voice say "Mama, hush."  I looked up to to meet her gaze and almost laughed because my inner immaturity was saying "That doesn't even make sense because I wasn't even talking!!"  It was hard not to laugh.  Other times it's hard not to become explosive. 

One thing I've learned with Conscious Discipline (google that) is to focus on what you want and not on what you don't want.  So simple, but so hard if you' haven't been raised that way.  Joe and I are both trying to retrain our focus, and it'd be nice if that was something Maddie could learn from us. 

So yeah. 

Coffee time.