I went to the lady doctor on October 30, 2009. At that time, she was to send my BCP Rx in directly to Express Scripts (since the Army doesn't carry my kind) and said it would probably be a month or two before I got any. With that, she wrote me a script to fill off post for four month's worth. Well, I haven't gotten anything in the mail, nor are there any scripts on my ES online account. Oh, and I'm on my last pack of pills and would prefer not to reproduce at this time. GRRRR. It's life; I know. But it'd be nice for something to get done without me having to bitch to someone first.
*Letting it go until I can do anything about it. Exhale.*
Yes, I need to let go of the things I cannot control and take control of what I can. We all know this, yes? Of course. Hell, I even go to work and talk with patients about taking care of themselves - eating right, sleeping, exercise. Unfortunately, I haven't been doing these things for myself necessarily. When I have felt my best in life, I was eating quite well and exercising regularly. Sleep was in there too, but when you eat well and exercise, sleep will usually fall into place. My diet lately has kinda blown. Perhaps a product of the holidays or with Joe's homecoming the excuse to eat and do whatever? If that's the case then how the hell is he in such good shape? Because he exercises and is a former long-distance runner who can always pop out five miles just cuz. I can't really run like that. At all. But I know how to work out. And I have a gym membership. Gulp. I have everything I need to feel better. I just need to set aside some time and commit. I don't know if I'll have to wait until I feel more lousy. Or maybe until Joe scrapes me out of bed and forces me to run with him. (Which I have tried, and let's just say that he runs much, MUCH faster than me.) I don't know, but I must do something about feeling like hell all the time. I think the doctors at work call it "depression."
This weekend I tried to take the first step by getting organized at home and cleaning the crap out of this place. I did good, and I know it hasn't been this clean in a while. Also, I'm not putting off other stuff to let it continue to pile up. I'm trying to get all my ducks in a row to reduce what I believe to be "anxiety." Maybe with this step and becoming otherwise more healthy and balanced I can avoid going to the doc for medication. I need to do the basics first, and then if things don't improve I'll explore other options. I just can't do this never feeling rested and racing thoughts all the time. Sucks. But I feel better already with a clean house. And I love Joey. Miss Joey. But he isn't here to immediately destroy it. TDY = clean house. There are no dirty undies on the dresser!! Woohoo!!
More later. Must sleep and try to stay that way for the next 7.5 hours.
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3 comments:
You rock, Katie. Hang in there! I know all about trying to feel better about life and reducing the anxiety. That's my own personal struggle everyday. So far so good. :)
Living with a dude is hard. They are SO messy! I can use sprinkle cheese with grace and not make a mess, hubs on the other hand gets more in the other room than on his plate when he sprinkles.
It's hard to get your booty in gear. I'm currently trying to do the same. When I do get motivated and go to the gym though, I feel TONS better.
You can do it!
Dirty drawers ON the dresser... :(
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