C'mon Saturday Motivation

First, guys, thank you all for your supportive comments. I appreciate them very much. But until yesterday morning, I was all "I'm okay - I got this." It turns out running around in some sort of manic episode for two days straight catches up with you...at work...and you cry...nay, sob (at least the silent kind)...after something minimal makes you feel stupid. A lot of it seems to stem from my inability to talk to Joe. When Oma died Joe was in basic, and I could barely talk to him. It was horrible, and I so wish he'd have been there for me. The training he's doing now is so hard, though, and he's in the field for two weeks straight. I haven't talked to him since last Sunday, but I have let my FRG leader know what's going on and that I am actually leaving for Pennsylvania (Tues-Fri), which has since been forwarded on to Joe's commander. I don't want them to seek Joe out in the woods to tell him what's going on. He really doesn't need to know - he never had the chance to even meet this set of grandparents anyway. Of course it would probably be good for me to be able to talk to him about it, but it won't help him any. I sure don't want him to be distracted and fail any part of what he's doing and have to be recycled...and then stay gone longer. God no. So, I already have my flight booked, dogs reserved for the kennel, Lu scheduled to get her dip on Monday before she goes to the kennel for the first time ever, a novel written to the FRG with my itinerary and instructions should Joe need to know where I am, a good friend and fellow Army wife here being my back up, and my work informed of what's going on.

Ah, work. I have twice written my boss in an e-mail to inform him of my familial situation, and twice he has responded back with no mention of what's going on and instead with instructions of which unit I will be on when I return and where we need coverage. I even let him know my grandpa is probably going to die soon and that I'll have to leave again for a funeral. NOTHING. No support from work. This is also on the heels of me trying to get off for part of the coming weekend so that I can see my husband for the only time I'll have with him in a several week span until his next small break. I e-mailed my fill-in person asking to switch days, as well as my boss about that, annnnnnd NOTHING. So, all this other stuff going on, and then I go to work where I talk to people all day long about why they want to kill themselves or how much crack they used last night or what the voices are telling them to do, and I get no support for my personal stressors. It's just not a good fit, and I'm actively looking for the door. The lack of income will be an adjustment, but I have wondered how much longer it'll take before I start becoming a shell of a person just for the money. Well. You disrespect me and my family as a priority, then I'm done. No amount of money is worth that.

Today I'm trying to get some stuff done - there's the hazardous waste drop off today for paint, electronics, etc. I'm going to load my car up shortly and go for it. It always feels awesome to get rid of stuff, especially empty paint cans and broken computer parts that I don't know what to do with. I also need to do laundry and clean up the house. I think a friend is coming over later this evening for dinner, so that will be nice, although I need to figure out what will be served. In the meantime, I'm going to try not to kill my dogs who have already vomited in the house, jumped all over everything as they barked and growled and played with each other INSIDE, and cried loudly when I put them OUTSIDE. It's not even 11AM, and I've already considered having a glass of wine. Nerves shot? Oh hell yes.