My Tush

Who did squats (albeit without weight other than my body), lunges, and the dead lift today? This chick (points at self with thumbs). I probably won't be able to walk tomorrow. Just trying to engage that elusive muscle memory from 2008. The bastard.

So yeah, I hit the gym after work today. It may be the only thing that keeps me at my job long enough to complete paying off my student loans. Dear Lord I want to quit. I just still want the income afterward. Bah. As for my student loans, I'm nearing the finish line. Yes, as the right leg of my dress pants (that I've had for over five years) came unraveled today and had to be hemmed with scotch tape, and then a hole in my shoe was discovered, I still knew in my heart that my student loan balance right now is $11,995...of course the pay off amount is $12,014. (Note: I really do have money for new pants and shoes. I'm just too indecisive for a lot of shopping these days.) Back to the balance - hooray!! The only downside is that as soon as that shit's paid off, one or both of our 13 year old vehicles will need replacing. I guess it just never ends. And not to be an asshole, but Joe is halfway through his contract AND NEVER BEEN PROMOTED. DAMN IT DAMN IT DAMN IT. I know money isn't everything, but he will make more in the civilian world doing what he does now, and I can be a stay at home Katie or maybe even be the mother of someone other than Lu or Dex. In my word vomit while Joe was home this weekend, I did manage to ask him if he wants to continue to do what he does in the Army as that of a civilian (because he does NOT want to stay in the Army), to which he said yes. I wasn't sure he would be happy enough and would want to do something different altogether, but he said he would like to continue, as he feels there is a greater good in what he does. I do too, and selfishly I was fucking relieved. I do not want to support us as a social worker. God in Heaven. I mean if anything ever happens, I'll have an education to fall back on, but at this point, I'm very nearly ready to be provided for entirely. Shoot, maybe in that time I'll actually get a little wiser and figure out what I'd really ENJOY doing with my life. Huh.

I also want to add that for some time, the thought of retirement has scared the shit out of me. All I can think is fixed income - how will we survive? It's a long ways away, but it's something to prepare for now. Then I think...maybe I should keep working. Uggh. Then I go to work. Barf. This fear was confirmed when I went to Pennsylvania. My grandpa was an accountant, but then after he started forgetting shit (and their stocks tanked), the finances started to go nutty. While I was there I helped review their finances and consolidated a bunch of credit cards. I mean there she is almost 80 with fucking debt and a fixed income. Scary. Of course, I will make damn sure that doesn't happen to us. It still scares me. I'm going to be one of those old ladies tucking shit away in the mattress. Hell yeah. SUZE ORMAN, HOW AM I DOING???