Four Months Later....

We're home now.  Ta Da!  But of course most of y'all knew that.  I have some time to write (I think) instead of just bitching randomly on Facebook.  Not that all of new motherhood is bitch-worthy.  Buuut, some of it definitely is.

First, I'm going to finish off my story, which I think I can do now with just enough emotion to get things across properly, but not so much that it lasts for 18 posts.  I don't have time for that.  So I left off getting wheeled up to my room after being admitted.  I forgot that before I started gushing blood, the doctor did do a manual check....and I remember seeing a little blood on his fingers.  Gross, sorry.  I mention this because that was the first time Joe had EVER been in the room for something like that. 

When we got up to my room, it was late Saturday morning (7/30).  I was put on an IV to stop contractions.  I was given pills to stop contractions.  And last, I was given suppositories to stop contractions.  I was also given steroid shots (in the behind) to help strengthen Maddie's lungs in case she did come sooner than later.  After a while, I did start to feel better, the contractions slowed wayyyyy down and all but stopped, and the bleeding mostly stopped as well.  Of course, I wasn't allowed to get out of the bed.  At all.  Hello, bed pan.  At first I hit the call button for a nurse to come in every time I needed to use it.  And they weren't too slow, but after a while Joe began to help.  We agreed that he would be the bed pan guy, but only for #1.  We felt that some things in our marriage should be kept sacred, so #2 (which I don't think my body would physically let me do in a bed pan anyway, as I never could) was reserved for the nurses.  And hell, when I did try, I sent everyone out of the room anyway.  Keep in mind that almost all interaction is me trying to speak broken Spanish and the nurses trying to speak broken English.  Shit.

Saturday, Saturday.  We just hung out in the room and prayed that we'd be able to be discharged and go home immediately to have our baby in the states.  Saturday felt like a week or a year.  But as I said, I did start to feel better.  This was probably the first time in our marriage, though, that I physically could not take care of things.  Bed-ridden, Joe not only handled my bed pan, he took to the phones and contacted everyone who needed contacting, met with people in the hospital to handle our account, and got me whatever else I needed.  He ran around and did any and everything that needed to be done.  Though there was a couch across the room, he slept in the recliner next to my bed at night so he could be close to me.  He was great.   Best ever.

We did have to do a few medical things on Saturday.  Didn't just hang.  I had ultrasounds done that revealed Maddie was a-ok.  Then I had another check with my doctor...the full gynecological deal with Joe present and another male doctor to help translate for mine.  I was dilated between 3-4cm.  Bummer.  But there was still hope that things would chill out and we could go home.  Maybe we shouldn't have had quite that much hope, but we did.

By Sunday morning, I thought we were in the clear.  Another set of ultrasounds, and baby was still good.  As for being dilated, I'd heard of a lot of women walking around a little dilated toward the end of the pregnancy...maybe only a couple cm, though, instead of a third of the way, but so what, we could make it home, right?!  Meh.  When the doctor came in that afternoon, we told him how great I'd been doing, etc.  What I didn't tell him was that my freakin' eye had started twitching.  But of course, I was hooked up to a monitor that showed the anti-contraction meds were making my heart jump around a bit.  Or something like that.  So we had to stop the meds...or maybe we did that Saturday night?  I'm not sure.  Yeah, we had stopped it earlier, and then he explained when he was there why it was done.  That's right.  So the doctor left after saying he wasn't going to do another exam until the following day so we weren't messing with my cervix any more than we needed to.  Cool.

Soon after he left, though, all hell broke lose.  Suddenly, even though I'd remained bed-ridden I was gushing blood again.  Fucking horrible.  And the contractions re-intensified.  We called a nurse in, and I told her a bit panicked "mas sangre (more blood)."  She checked, and of course by that time I was damn used to everyone and their cousin being down in my business.  When she first came in the room, she seemed like we might be overreacting, but after that check, she immediately went to my room phone and called the doctor back.  The doctor was already gone, making rounds at another hospital, so I knew to call him back was probably a bit of a big deal.

Before I knew it we were being wheeled down to the ol' exam room, waiting for the doc.  While we waited, I told them I needed to pee.  Joe held the bed pan for me while everyone else was sent out of the room.  I asked him if there was a lot of blood (my pregnant belly prevented me from seeing a whole lot), and he quietly said no and put the bed pan down out of view when I was done.  Medical folks then came in, and the ER doc who was assisting in the meantime saw the bed pan and commented on the amount of blood.  Poor Joe; he'd tried to not worry me.  He'd later tell me that he wasn't sure if I'd peed at all or just bled.  Shudder.

When my doctor arrived we set up for another exam.  There was so much blood that the speculum slid out at one point.  Painful.  And the news: I was dilated to 5.  This was as much of a natural birth as I would get - I got to 5 without pain meds.  Ya know, though, I could have gotten further because there was another hour or so until I'd have surgery, and I was contracting the whole time.  Because what happened next of course was as the ER doc began to translate, my doc, who had not spoken English up to this point said "We take this baby NOW."  And then they told me it'd be via c-section, which was kind of my worst nightmare.  But they didn't want her small, soft head to pass through my pelvic area.  And ya know, with the amount I was bleeding, it probably would not have been wise to let me try to push anyway.

So, back up to my room we went while the surgical team assembled.  The neo-natologist came and met us during this time.  Dr. Hania...I wouldn't realize until later that this was her first name.  She spoke English, halleluja!!!  If any doc was going to, I'm glad it was Maddie's that did.  She seemed very knowledgeable, and I was glad for her.  Also, the anesthesiologist came up and met me as well.  He spoke the best English out of everyone and talked to me about what was about to happen.  He was really, really great - Dr. Corona.  They both definitely put me at ease.

After an hour or so of prep and Joe calling the family, I was wheeled down to the delivery/surgery room.  In the elevator, a spicy looking lady who I'd later learn was part of the surgery team showed up with paperwork that the men had obviously forgotten to have me sign.  I couldn't understand what she was saying, but I could tell she was giving them a hard time.  I liked that, as well as her wild dark eyeliner.  I was glad she was there: someone (a lady) who was take-charge and seemed chill despite being about to gut a human and take out a baby. 

Once to the room, Joe had to go get gowned while I was put on the table.  By this time, the bleeding was so bad that it felt like a faucet had been turned on, and I remember being a little embarrassed but mostly just fearful, saying "I'm bleeding, I'm still bleeding."  Since I was already behind the screen, I couldn't see who was doing it, but I'd feel a spray and then a wipe.  Someone was continuing to clean me.  Dr. Corona who stayed up at my head and became our birth coach of sorts just told me not to worry about it.  There was also a young female doctor (maybe an intern/resident?) who stayed up by me and held my hand.  I had a vague memory of her talking to me in the ER when I'd asked her how far a drive it was to Texas.  Ha.  Pretty soon, Dr. Corona gave me my spinal, which was terrifying.  I'd never ever ever wanted to have a c-section or anything that goes along with it.  Luckily, Jan had talked me through it on the phone beforehand, so I at least knew what to expect.  Still, I shook before and after I got it.  (Just like when I had my wisdom teeth out - surgery, even minimal terrifies me.)  Of course afterward it was just my upper body that shook.  I had one arm strapped down, and Joe was brought out and instructed by Dr. Corona to be by my other arm and hold my hand thus taking over for the young female doc. 

Then it was go time, and we were rocking and rolling.  Amidst administering and monitoring my super drugs, Dr. Corona turned on some oldies - American oldies - to try to relax me a bit more.  I remember hearing the surgical team sing along to some Beatles, and amongst other songs that I recognized and cannot remember, I do remember hearing the Bee Gee's "Staying Alive" and thinking of the irony.  Soon, Dr. Corona gave us a five minute warning, and when it was time, he told Joe to stand up, though I'm pretty sure as he said this, he physically yanked Joe up by the shoulder so Joe could see over the screen.  Joe got to see Maddie be born.  As well as my insides.  Joe said that Maddie's foot actually got stuck and he saw them give her a couple tugs before she was out.  I remember he told me she was out and that he looked down at me, and I looked up at him.  There was an eery silence and then a cry.  And that cry turned into a scream, and it was Maddie.  Relieved, we both cried too.  It was 5PM on Sunday, July 31, 2011.

Dr. Hania took her immediately, gave her a cursory once over...APGAR score of 8-9 or so, wrapped her and set her on my shoulder.  It was surreal.  And she looked like a baby.  I thought she would look more alien-like, but not so.  Just a mini baby.  We talked to her and kissed her a bit, and then it was time for her to go to her little Mexican NICU.  Joe went with Dr. Hania and Maddie, while I got put back together.  The young female doc assured me that incision was done plastic surgery style and wouldn't even be visible in a swimsuit.  Badass.  So they stitched me back together and wrapped me up.  When they were done, the saucy looking surgeon lady smiled and said "Bye bye."  
 
A bit later I was wheeled back up to my room where Joe and some of the wedding party were waiting for me (we were there originally for Kellen's wedding, remember?).  We had a baby now....somewhere in a room I didn't yet know of.  Joe assured me she was being well-cared for, and that was that for this day.  I wouldn't see Maddie until the following day.  More about that later...