Puddin'

Here's a quick post to clear my head and entertain you (or not). 

It's Monday.  So far I've vacuumed (part of) the living room, started washing more laundry, and run three miles.  That, along with caring for myself, the kid, and the dogs.  Everyone's napping now but me, and I just know Maddie will be up any minute.  If I were to pour myself a coffee, she would be up instantly.  Moon, tides, a tired mother pouring coffee...  To summarize, we're making good headway today, which makes me nervous.  Lately, when I think the day is going to go well, Maddie, indeed, gives me that proverbial punch to the face.  That's why I won't even talk about trying to have a lunch with a bunch of 60+ year olds and Maddie last Friday.  No.

I've been thinking about the baby weight I'm still carrying.  Because I didn't carry to term, nor push a kid through my birth canal, I've felt like an asshole not being able to squeeze back into some of my clothes.  I was in the normal weight gain range during the pregnancy and even exercised regularly throughout!  Well.  Light bulb!!  It wasn't the pregnancy that has done this, or rather, it wasn't just the pregnancy.  I believe it was the post partum body + hospitalization of my kid.  I didn't exercise at all, and I ate emotionally....in a hospital cafeteria....in Atlanta, GA.  You best believe that I ate the hell out of some macaroni and cheese, and any time they had fried catfish, I was all over it.  Another regular meal item was what was called "pudding parfait."  With oreos.  So yeah.  There's all that with what was an already out of whack body AND the most stress I've ever felt my whole life.  Then after we got home, I stayed home with a kid who was hooked up to a heart monitor and couldn't go out in public a whole lot...flu season with a premie!  I was also very freaked out after having had a c-section (what if my incision, you know, just burst open?!).  I would have pushed her out naturally, without drugs, a thousand times over than have my guts cut open and pushed out of the way to have a kid pulled out.  Something they don't tell you when you have an emergency c-section in a foreign country: They have to move your bladder out of the way (amongst other things) to get to your uterus.  So, when they finally pull the catheter out of you, and you start peeing on your own again, you're pissing razor blades.  Yes, until your bladder settles back in to its original nesting spot, there is the likelihood of some discomfort while urinating.  But anyway.

Why didn't I remember all that other stuff?  I have no idea.  I really do wonder how much I gained after having my kid.  I still don't know that I would do much differently.  It was depressing eating alone in that hospital (after Joe went back to work during the week), not to mention just being in the hospital and not home, and by god, that mac n cheese, etc made me feel GOOD.  I'm just hopeful that it goes differently next time. 

For now, I'm doing my best to get my bod in good shape again.  Or maybe for the first time.  I'm actually enjoying running...the challenge....feeling good about myself when I run further than the previous time.  It's cool.  Very cool.  And honestly, as I've said before, it's really the only thing I have going that's for me. 

Final thought, be mindful of what you gift small children.  What is my 15 mo old going to do with Pez??