One Year Olds....Dude

Holy shit.  HOLY SHIT.  I spent the day with a one year old.  And I don't mean I watched a one year old for a couple hours and then gave her back.  I mean that I picked her up at 10AM and dropped her off at 9PM.  Let me remind you all that I don't have children, and let me further explain that I'm rarely ever around children.  The few times that I am I have minimal interaction and then immediately direct them to their parents when they start to get upset.  Also, the last time I babysat was between 10 and 15 years ago.  Oh.my.god.

The reason I had to do it was because the girl's mom went into labor with baby #2, and her husband is gone.  No bueno.  While I am not really friends with the woman - pretty much just acquaintances, our husbands are good friends, so I had to do my wifely duties.  Plus, we're kind of the new baby's god parents.  I don't really know what that means, as my family never did the whole god-parent thing.  But anyway.  So I did the damn thing.

To start, I had to have someone put the car seat in the Pilot.  I didn't know how, and after that, I was pretty much on my own with minimal instruction.  I then quickly ran by Joe's office to drop something off and also show him exactly what I'd been tasked with.  Then, because I was too scared to immediately go home and be alone with her by myself, I upheld a previously planned coffee date with a friend.  How many public meltdowns were there?  4?  5?  After 1.5 hours, I called it quits, and we headed home.  Girl passed out on the way home, but that ended as soon as I tried to lay her down, so for a couple hours I dealt with her crabby and wailing whenever the dogs would get too near.  Alternately, when I put the dogs out, I listened to them cry and wail.  And that was between 1-3pm (read: already getting frazzled).  It was a little after 3pm when I started to smell something.  That smell.  I'd already changed several wet diapers without wipes, but I knew this one would require more.  I looked through all the bags.  No wipes.  Who sends a novice home with a baby and NO WIPES???

So, we took a friend up on a play date invitation with the explanation that upon arrival I would need to change the girl immediately.  Luckily for me, my friend changed her for me.  Oh man.  She let us stay for a while - 3 hours ish or so.  We watched a movie, and the girl even had dinner over there.  Glorious.  Finally, some time after six, Joe finally let me know he was leaving work.  I'd been frantically calling him at various times during the day asking when he would be home.  (After all this is his friend's kid, and I needed help.)  With that, we packed up, borrowed a few toys (because I wasn't sent away with any of those either), and came home.  On the way, she passed out in the car.  Frustrated, tired, dirty, and sooo hungry (who has time to eat??), I had a little cry when I got home as I wasn't sure how to get her out of the car without her waking up, and I could not handle her being awake or crying.  Somehow I did it, and she slept for 30-45 minutes. 

I was so bummed when she woke up.  Yes, I'm a terrible person.  I wanted that baby to sleep.  Her being awake isn't easy.  She's more like 1.5 years old and can walk - run really.  And without a nap, she was cranky to boot.  Also, I was determined to cook the thai chicken noodle soup as planned, so Joe dealt with her until dinner was ready.  Amidst that, I cooked and dealt with crying dogs.  By the time we ate it was 8 o'clock, and my nerves were completely shot.  The baby wouldn't go back to sleep, so she sat with us, crying/whining, while the dogs were outside doing the same thing.  Finally, I had enough, stood up and screamed at the dogs to stop, which also got the girl's attention.  She stopped too and watched TV while she ate some bread.  Joe turned very slowly and looked at me with a big grin and said it was amazing.  We then finished dinner in delicious quiet.

The girl tested me one last time as we were preparing to leave.  She started whimpering when I was putting her shoes on.  I looked at her and firmly but calmly said, "NO, we are not doing that," and she stopped.  We then drove all the way to post, breezed through the hospital, cooing over the new baby and offering our congrats again, before returning home in blessed peace.  This experience hasn't stopped me from wanting children, but as I reflect back on my own mom's mothering style, which was firm, direct, and at times a tad scary (she's 5'9" and loud as hell) and think of this girl's mother who is rather soft spoken, less than 5'4", and lives in fear of hurting the girl's feelings, I realize you gotta let even little ones know who is in charge.  I mean, right?  Or maybe that's completely false, because along those lines, it's probably best not to know nothing about babies/toddlers/two year olds and then watch one for the better part of eleven hours by yourself.  And I cannot get the dirty diaper smell out of my nose, even after showering.  Bleh.